Shocking DNA Results Revealed: Body Of Elderly Homeless Man Identified As Elvis Presley

SAN DIEGO, California –

Earlier this month, an 80-year-old, homeless, white-bearded man was found deceased under an overpass in San Diego, California. Nobody knew the man’s name, but friends referred to him as Jessie, so investigators decided to try DNA testing with hopes that something would pop up in the nationwide DNA database. What popped up on the computer screen in the high-tech lab stunned everyone. The DNA results of ‘Jessie Doe’ were an exact match to the one and only, Elvis Aaron Presley.

Lab technician Robert Brensdale said he and his lab assistant, Madeline Hedgespeth, laughed when the name popped up. “We thought somebody, somewhere, somehow in the system pulled the greatest and most elaborate prank on us ever, we both laughed with hysteria for about an hour,” Bresndale told Jerry Hardin of the Hollywood Word, a new entertainment publication based out of Los Angeles.

Brensdale and Hedgespeth then went to their superior with laughter, as if he were the one behind this “prank”. They were told to simmer down and stay quiet, that this was no laughing matter. From there, the results went up the ladder to the FBI and CIA.

Now, weeks later, FBI spokesperson Philip Hunter has revealed that the deceased man’s body was actually the body of Elvis Presley, who had been in the witness protection program since 1977.

“Mr. Presley was placed in the program under a voluntary basis. He was not a witness to any crime or anything like that. Once he had met President Nixon, the two became great friends, and Mr. Presley wanted out of his life, he wanted to be an unknown, so President Nixon made this possible. Yes, it is official – Elvis Presley was really alive all that time, and only a handful of people knew it, most of which are no longer with us.

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RNR Hall of Fame Adds Green Day As ‘Joke’, People Vote For Them Anyway

CLEVELAND, Ohio – RNR Hall of Fame Adds Green Day As 'Joke', People Vote For Them Anyway

The 2015 nominees for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame include some major influences throughout music history, including Lou Reed and Joan Jett, but representatives for the HOF also say they added in a few other acts as a ‘joke,’ and then were very surprised when fans started voting for them to be inducted.

“It’s really crazy to see that Green Day is in the top 3 for fan voting,” said Charles Berry, a representative for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland. “We started the fan voting a few years ago, and it’s nice for people to have a voice in selection. Technically speaking, Green Day are eligible for entry, but we didn’t think anyone would actually think they were a viable option. I mean really, it’s Green Day. They’ve done about as much for music as an accordion-playing Polka dancer. When your first major album is called Dookie, can you really expect people to take you seriously?”

According to the Hall of Fame’s official website, artists become eligible for induction 25 years after the release of their first record. Criteria is based around the influence and significance of the artists’ contributions to the development and perpetuation of rock and roll, of which Hall of Fame board members say Green Day doesn’t entirely fit.

“They’ve sold some records, been around 25 years, yes, yes,” said Berry. “They didn’t really influence anyone, though, as near as we can tell. If they did, we certainly couldn’t find anyone to admit to it. On the other hand, they must have a fan base still, because someone is voting for them on the website. Unless, of course, it’s just the band voting for themselves over and over, which is a possibility we haven’t exactly ruled out.”

Empire News reached out to Joan Jett for comment about Green Day receiving more votes than her band, The Blackhearts, but she was too busy being a true punk legend and a serious badass to comment. Green Day probably could have been, but was not bothered to be, reached for comment.

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