Teenager Arrested and Expelled After Pretending To Be Transgender So He Can Use Girls’ Showers

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HORNWOOD, South Carolina – 

A student at a high school in South Carolina has been arrested and expelled from school after it was discovered that he was not, as purported, a transgender student, but was in fact just trying to sneak into the girls’ showers so he can see them naked.

As reported by World News Daily Report:

Soccamee high school officials were alarmed by the student’s indecent behavior after several students and parents lodged complaints and reported the “immoral behavior” to school administrators.

The transgender male student was recently allowed by school officials to use all female washrooms, including having access to the girl’s locker room, after he had asked to be treated as a biological female.

The transgender male student also allegedly bragged about how the school would let him take showers with the girls just because he “wore a wig” and “painted his nails” according to several students.

The student, who has not been named, was arrested after it was stated that he inappropriately touched several of the girls while in the shower, and even was found masturbating while the girls were changing.

“He always had this huge erection while we were in the shower, I never understood why the school allowed a boy to be in the girls’ shower with us,” one female student told local reporters. “And I do mean huge. It kind of made me wish that he wasn’t a she, or…whatever. I just wanted him to ask for my number. I’ve gone black, but I’d definitely go back for that.”

The student was expelled from the school, and arrested on charges of lewd conduct and sexual battery.

 

Betsy DeVos: ‘Dropping Out of School Is Best Choice For Many Kids’

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos, who was appointed by Donald Trump to oversee the country’s education, said today that she feels that a good choice for many children will be to drop out of school all together.

“Sometimes, kids are just stupid, lazy, or stupid and lazy, and the best choice for them would be to drop out and start working early,” said DeVos, who has never attended a public school. “McDonalds employees, ditch diggers, and construction workers or laborers, they can all work very well having little to no education. There’s no reason that I can see that a child who is just going to be burden on the school system shouldn’t leave – or be asked to leave.”

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DeVos has said she is working with Trump to decide if the age in which a child can leave school, which is currently set at 16, should be lowered.

“I believe that there are kids who are 7 or 8 years old who we know, by that point, are not going to make it through school,” said DeVos. “Should we force them, encourage them, and help them to learn if they’re just never going to be smart enough to make it through? That’s a waste of time and, frankly, a waste of money. Better to cut ties early, I think. It will just hurt the education of kids who aren’t idiots if we leave in all these little retards.”

DeVos says that letting “kids who are morons” leave schools could save taxpayers billions of dollars over only a few short years.

Florida High School Shut Down After Zika Outbreak Infects Hundreds

MIAMI, Florida – 

In the most intense infection of any recent epidemic, a Miami high school has had to shut its doors after a student who was infected with Zika spread the virus to over 100 students.

“It’s crazy how fast it happened, and there wasn’t anything anyone could do,” said Principal Jack Miller. “The student didn’t know he was infected. Apparently he got it from his family’s illegal maid. Once he came in sick, the place was destroyed faster than Europe during the plague.”

The local Miami chapter of the CDC was called in last Monday to evacuate and quarantine the building. All the students are being forced to stay home for their own safety. Of the 107 confirmed cases of the infection, 32 of the kids and teens were hospitalized. So far, none of the teachers or staff have shown any signs of infection.

The school says they may not be able to open for several months, and that many of the students will have to repeat the school year.

Parents Sue School For Not Allowing Daughter To Wear Skinny Jeans

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GORDON, Texas – 

Parents of a 15-year-old teen are suing their local school district over their dress policy, after their daughter was sent home one day for inappropriate clothing. The school’s dress code policy requires that girls wear skirts, jumpers, frumpy jeans or “skorts.”

“My little daughter has the perfect little legs – well slightly knobby knees, but that’s not the point. If she was some chunky monkey I could understand prohibiting her from wearing skinny jeans,” said Mario Lewis, whose daughter, Samantha, was sent home for her clothing. “It would be in her own benefit. Just because some girls cannot pull them off does not mean my daughter should be punished.”

“The school is also forcing certain ideas about what it means to be a woman. If I had wanted wardrobe discrimination I would have shipped her off to some charter school where the dress code dictates she always wear dresses and be a proper lady. As a parent I made the informed decision to send her to public school where she could dress like a little skank if she saw fit. It’s my first amendment right.”

Other parents are upset, not at the ban of skinny jeans, but that it does not apply to everybody. “The gay kids get away with it,” says one father, who did not want his name used for fear saying something about gay kids made him look like a homosexual himself.

Some members of the community feel the dress code should be even stricter. Paul Acker, local resident says, “We should go back to a time when girls knew that the husband wears the pants. God’s plan for men and women is different, and not only skinny jeans but short skirts and makeup are a signal to Satan.”

Woman Sues School After Homework Causes Daughter To Have Brain Aneurysm

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PORTLAND, Maine – 

A Maine woman, Joleene Marques, is suing her daughter’s school, Portland High School, after the teachers’ union decided to increase the amount of homework students were given from approximately 2 hours a night, to an ungodly 9 hours per night.

“Every class that my daughter Samantha had assigned her with hours of homework. She would get home from school at 3PM, and start homework immediately, and still wouldn’t finish until after 1AM every night,” said Marques. “It was crazy. It got so bad, I admit that I had to do some of the homework for her.”

On Monday evening, Samantha, 14, reportedly collapsed and died in her home after working on homework for over 9 straight hours. Doctors say she suffered a severe brain aneurysm. Mrs. Marques is now suing the school over their increase in homework, which she says caused the stress that killed her daughter.

“High school is already a sad, pathetic joke,” said Mrs. Marques. “It doesn’t teach you nearly any real-world skills. It’s just rote memorization of dates and times and a lot of, pardon my French, shit that doesn’t at all matter. They should be teaching kids useful information, but instead, they’re killing them, literally, with bullshit.”

Mrs. Marques says she has retained a lawyer, and will be seeking damages of $50 million from the school district.

Harper Lee Dies, Internet Assumed Author Passed Years Ago

harper lee

ATLANTA, Georgia –

Harper Lee, the prolific author who wrote the classic novel To Kill a Mockinbird, died on Friday at the age of 89, according to her publisher.

Sadly, the internet generation took little notice, with most assuming that the author was long dead.

“I had to read that boring mess when I was in junior high school,” said high school senior Jordan Matthews on his Twitter. I assumed that he was long dead.”

“I don’t know who this Mr. Lee is, but apparently he’s dead now, ” said another twitter user. “I think he wrote that book about birds or something.”

Confusingly, most of the posts on Twitter referred to Lee as a man, because teenagers apparently have no concept of literature in this day and age.

“I’m glad that Harper Lee died, because now we probably won’t have to read that stupid book in class,” said Facebook user Miranda Lucas. “Ugh, books are stupid.”

Viral Teens Who Spelled Racial Slur With T-Shirts Forced Into Protective Custody

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DESERT VISTA, Arizona – 

Outrage has spread across the country, directed at the six Desert Vista high schoolers who spelled out a racial slur with letters on their t-shirts during a school photo day. Parents of the six say they fear for the lives of their daughters, and have decided it would be best to put them in protective custody.

While the girls received five days suspension from school, many feel they are being let off too easy and are threatening to take justice into their own hands. One anonymous internet troll has said, “Five days suspension. Nigga please. When I see them they gonna get beat down.”

Members of the community have also turned against the girls. “I don’t think they need extra protection after the disgrace they have brought upon Desert Vista. We are a fine community who knows racial slurs should only be used in certain company and do not belong on social media,” says Jean Wilder, a concerned citizen. “It is not acceptable to say anything bad about black people in public in this day and age – only Muslims, because most are members of ISIS.”

Superintendent Dr. Kenneth R. Baca, has said “They’re just dumb. They would have spelled any bad word they could. Just because it happened to be the N-word does not mean they’re bad kids. Their parents ask forgiveness of all the African-Americans that were offended, and beg them to please not be packing heat if they come into our neighborhoods. The girls have already changed their identities and left town.”

Students Bullied In School Over Sexuality Should ‘Act Less Gay,’ Says Principal

bullied

CHARLESTON, South Carolina – 

A school principal is in hot water today after telling a student who was being bullied over his sexuality that if he wanted to not get picked on, he should “act less gay.”

“It’s only rational to me that if you come into school, and you’re super flaming and other kids are harassing you, that maybe you should tone it down a bit, and stop flaunting your extra gayness,” said principal John Waters of Charleston Junior High. “I have nothing against gay people. Some of my closest friends are gay, but they don’t walk around wearing pink shirts with pictures of penises on them and painting their faces with rainbows like some of these kids do today.”

School policy does not allow faculty to divulge the name of any students involved in bullying incidents, but some students spoke to a local Charleston news station, anonymously, about the harassment they’ve dealt with.

“I used to get picked on all the time because I’m a Jew,” said one student. “I told the principal, and he told me just to stop wearing my yarmulke, and maybe cut my ‘jew dreads,’ and the bullies would forget about me. I was a little upset at first, but I did what he suggested, and now I don’t get picked on, so I guess his advice worked.”

“I’ve actually told Principal Waters multiple times that I get picked on all the time for being poor and black, but he told me to just to suck it up, because there was no way I couldn’t pretend to not be black anymore,” said another student. “He did suggest that I rob a couple stores and get higher-end clothes, and maybe appear more rich, but that only worked for a couple weeks, because I only had one set of nice clothes. After they started to smell, I got picked on for that. The principal sucks.”

School administrators say they are “looking into” repeated incidents of misconduct on the part of Principal Waters.

New Jersey Elementary School Has Halloween Parties Despite Criticism

LONGFELLOW, New Jersey – 

The Longfellow Elementary School in New Jersey is taking some serious criticism from parents and religious groups, after they sent letters home with students indicating that they would have Halloween parties on Friday whether “parents liked it or not.”

“We have a vast array of students here, and not all of them come from families whose religious or conservative views make them boring, brainless, and complete sticks-in-the-mud,” read the letter written by school administrators. “We’ve had Muslims, Christians, and every other religion asking us to NOT have Halloween parties, and we think that is rubbish. Kids will be kids, and we want them to have some fun during the school day. If you don’t like it, keep your kid home.”

The administration is taking some heat for the move, with many parents saying that they don’t want their kid involved in the “Devil worship” that happens on Halloween.

“Most parents are pretty damn stupid, and that’s what this comes down to,” said school principal John Freemont. “Halloween is about fun for kids. It’s not about the Devil. It’s not about witchcraft. For the kids, it’s about some candy and bobbing for apples. These parents who don’t want their kids to celebrate the holiday don’t have to send their kids to school. Of course if they don’t, they will have to come make up that day at the end of the year.”

Freemont says that any parent who has concerns about the holiday are welcome to call his office, where he says he has an answering machine already rigged up.

“It just tells them to kiss my school’s metaphoric ass,” said Freemont. “No one is taking away the fun from my students. Not even their parents.”

School Forced To Change Racist Mascot, Goes From ‘Warriors’ To ‘Wetbacks’

SKOWHEGAN, Maine – 

A small high school in Maine is fueling massive controversy after being forced to change their “racist” mascot name. The school, which has had the Warrior mascot for decades, decided to change the name after pressure from the community.

“This area of Maine has a high concentration of Native Americans, and the warrior name was extremely offensive,” said Skowhegan resident Joanne Fisher. “I was one of the ones who voted for the change, because I have some Native blood in me somewhere, and I was utterly offended when I moved to the area 2 months ago. I think the new name is a lot better. I’m not Mexican, so what do I care?”

The school chose to go with the new mascot, The Skowhegan Wetback, because they said that there are, in fact, no Wetbacks in the area.

“This area has a decent population of Indians, Jews, and we have some Wops and a couple Gooks, but they keep to themselves and don’t get involved in social issues anyway,” said school superintendent Joe Goldsmith. “I for one was fine with the Warrior name. I think it had more to do with spirit than with the red-skinned people around here, but whatever. The new name works, too.”

The school says that they will be abandoning the Warrior mascot at the end of the school year.

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