Sean Spicer Celebrates Quitting Job By Throwing Massive Party – Over 30 People Arrested, $3 Million In Damages



Sean Spicer celebrated being out from under Donald Trump’s stupid thumb by throwing a massive rager of a party at a rented home in Washington, D.C., where he invited nearly the entire city.

“Oh man, that job was way harder than I ever thought it might be,” said Spicer. “I mean, normally, the President doesn’t speak out of his ass, and just say the most goddamn stupid shit every second of every day. You know how hard it is to continue covering for that all the time – answering legit questions from the press about the President’s idiocy? I mean come on. Fucking Covfefe? Ugh.”

Spicer said he was so relieved to be able to quit and move on in his career that he wanted to throw a massive party. Everyone who worked, lived, or partied in Washington was there, and in the end, police had to break up the place.

“The party was at a D.C. mansion in the hills, rented, of course. The homeowner says there is more than $3 million in damages,” said D.C. police chief Mario Miller. “We made 36 arrests, mostly drunk and disorderly, drugs, and prostitution.”

Miller said that Spicer will not be charged in the raucous nature of the party.

“That guy has been through enough in the last 6 months working for Trump, I’m not going to add any shit on his plate right now. Let him relax,” said Miller.


Sean Spicer Contracts Bird Flu From Bad Kentucky Fried Chicken



White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer was hospitalized after he contracted what he said was “bird flu” from eating a bucket of KFC chicken that had spoiled.

According to his doctor, Spicer merely had a case of the trots after ingesting day-old chicken, but the Press Secretary is “positive” that it is Bird Flu.

“I ate bad chicken, which is a bird. Everyone knows that chickens are birds,” said Spicer from his hospital bed. “When you eat bad birds, you get bird flu. I don’t know why that is so hard for these doctors to understand.”

Spicer says that he has contracted bird flu several times in his life, and that his mom was always the best at making him feel better when he was a boy.

“Mom would make me a hot broth and I’d eat that with crackers, and then I’d lay down and I felt better,” said Spicer. “It has happened several times, but not in many years. Mom also helped me after I contracted mad cow disease after I ate spoiled hamburger one time. My mom is a phenomenal woman.”

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