‘Suppernanny’ Slips Up, Allegedly Hits Child

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LOS ANGELES, California – 

Nanny Jill Pryeo allegedly lost her temper and spanked “a particularly vile” 8-year-old, Janna Cornell, and refuses to apologize.

In the episode, which originally aired April 2011, Janna swears, hits or spits snot at anyone who tries to tell her what to do. She is so aggressive she was kicked out of her elementary school, and now has to be home schooled by her mother. The Cornell family has not come forward in the five years since the incident, but former executive producer, Nick Powell, has said the could not live with this secret any longer.

Nick says Supernanny told the child to go to the naughty mat, she refused and spit in the nanny’s face. Pryeo smacked Janna in the face, and told her not to do this sort of thing, an incident that allegedly happened off camera.

“Lot’s of work goes on behind the scenes. Pryeo makes it look easy, but it’s really not. Some of these kids with oppositional defiant disorder require some special treatment in the production of the show. We couldn’t make miracles happen. No one woman can clean up years of poor parenting choices over the course of a few days. Sometimes we might turn the cameras off and give the kids incentives to go along with the program. Gift cards. Name brand clothes. Twizzlers. This little brat wanted none of it.”

Another nanny from the show, Nanny Jo Frost, has said Nick Powell is just telling another one of his lies to get attention. “I, too, would refuse to apologize. I never spanked a single child in all 14 seasons of my show in the UK or the US. I highly doubt any other nanny did either.”

ABC representatives are refusing to comment on the alleged incident. Janna Cornell could not be reached for comment, but according to court dockets, is still a problem child. She is now serving a sentence in juvenile hall after kicking a neighbor’s cat when her cell phone broke.

New TV Show Will Highlight Competitive Dumpster-Diving

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LOS ANGELES, California – 

A new TV show to air later this year on TLC will highlight competitive dumpster-diving, which has become one of the most “extreme” new sports-slash-competitions in recent years. The series, which has been picked up for one season to start, will be called Garbage Games, and will follow multiple people in their quest to find the most valuable item in their town’s dumpsters and trash cans.

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“I got into dumpster diving when I was a kid, because we were poor, and it seemed like a good hobby,” said Mark Ryan, who is featured on the show. “I’ve found everything from extremely valuable paintings to old antique toys to more ‘useful’ things, like unopened packages of food. I think I’ll really have a good leg-up in the Garbage Games.”

TLC president Phil Moss says that he is “extremely excited” for the show to air, and thinks it could be a great competitor to shows like Hoarders.

“I love shows about trash, whether it’s trashy people like Honey Boo-Boo or trash in someone’s home like Hoarders, so I think this show will be great,” said Moss. “I’ve seen the first few episodes, and there are some really, really fun and exciting things that people find in their trash. America will love this show.”

Steven Spielberg Announces 5th ‘Indiana Jones’ Film Titled ‘Search For The Medicaid’

jones

HOLLYWOOD, California – 

Harrison Ford has just signed on for the 5th, and perhaps final, installment in the original Indiana Jones series, according to producer and director Steven Spielberg. Spielberg, who is a spry 69-years-old, will direct Ford in the outing, slated for release in 2019. Ford will be a wrinkled 76-years-old upon the film’s release.

“I know I can’t do these forever, and if it wasn’t Steven making it again, I wouldn’t be bothered,” said Ford. “They tell me that this film is about Jones’ search for his missing Medicaid card. Sounds about right to me. At my age, I’m just not as limber and mobile as I used to be. Should be a really exciting adventure.”

“We’re going to be visiting some amazing locales in this movie, including Jones’ bathroom, his bedroom, and the living room couch, as he searches for his insurance card,” said Spielberg. “This is going to be the most action-packed film that a nearly 80-year-old man could ever hope to star in.”

The movie, being produced by LucasFilms, will be a summer tent-pole, as fans are just about as eager for the film as can be expected for a series this beloved.

“I mean yeah, I guess I’ll see it eventually,” said Roger Joy, 38. “I grew up with the originals. Crystal Skull kind of sucked, but as long as Harrison Ford doesn’t have to interact with the walking mannequin that is Shia LeBeouf in this one, it will be okay. I’ll at least catch it on Netflix.”

Netflix Picks Up ‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’ As New Original Series

honeybooboo

ATLANTA, Georgia –

Netflix has been creating waves with their original programming, and even this week started the revival series Fuller House, a new version of the popular series Full House. It seems that Netflix is continuing with the trend of picking up old TV shows, as they announced today that they are in production on a new season of the former TLC series Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

“We absolutely loved the show, Honey Boo Boo, and all the other characters that millions of people watched every single week,” said Netflix production manager Joel Hodgkins. “It’s not Honey’s fault that her mom was sleeping with a pedophile, and that the show got cancelled as a result. So, what we’re doing is bringing the show back for a new season, but this time, it will all be Honey Boo Boo, no Mama Jean.”

According to Netflix, the show will begin filming in summer of 2016, and will follow the adventures of Honey Boo Boo as she starts 4th grade.

Man Claims He Went Blind After Binge-Watching Netflix Series

binge

CUPERTINO, California – 

Paul Jones, 37, is an avid fan of movies and TV series. A former movie theatre projectionist, Jones’ personal library of films is over 4,000 titles, but he soon may be selling them all, as he says he will no longer be able to enjoy movies after going blind from binge-watching Netflix series.

“I loved movies, I loved TV, but that’s all over for me now,” said Jones, who watched the entire series of Orange is the New Black over the course of just a few days. “I got hooked on it, despite its silly storylines and abysmal acting by the lead character, and I sat, staring at my TV for almost 3 straight days. I didn’t sleep at all. Binge-watching for days straight was not a good idea.”

Jones says that staying up for 3 days doing nothing but watching Netflix caused him to lose almost 80% vision in both of his eyes.

“Doctors say that it was a really bad move on my part, and I guess they must have been right,” said Jones. “I’m ashamed and embarrassed that my life has come to this, but I needed to get my story out there. I wanted to warn everyone else. Binge watching is harmful. Go back to the old days of doing things. Watch a show when it airs on TV. If it doesn’t air, like Orange, then watch one episode a week on a certain night. Just pretend. Don’t end up like me.”

‘Tales From The Crypt’ Reboot To Hit HBO In 2016

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LOS ANGELES, California – 

A reboot of the extremely popular horror series from the 1990s, Tales From The Crypt, is being planned for production by HBO, and slated to be added to their lineup of shows for the winter lineup in 2016.

“Frankly, we didn’t know that this show had such a major fanbase, but they have been clamoring for new episodes ever since the show went off the air,” said Cryptkeeper voice John Kassir. “Frankly, we never would have stopped making the series at all, except we ran out of puns for the Cryptkeeper. If we could have come up with more on the spot, we would have kept the series going. We’ve had many years, though, to come up with more, and we’re ready.”

Kassir says that the new series will be all new episodes, not remakes of the previous, with the exception of some “fan favorites.”

“No one is saying which ones though, yet,” said Kassir.

‘Back To The Future 4’ Announced As Part Of ‘Back To The Future Day’ 2015

LOS ANGELES, California –

October 21, 2015 is being celebrated as Back to the Future Day, as it marks the time in the second film where Marty and Doc travel to ‘the future’ to save Marty’s children. The day is being marked with celebration from fans all over the world, with many companies getting in on the fun. Lyft is offering rides in DeLorean cars, Pepsi released the Pepsi Perfect product seen in the film, and more.

For years, though super-fans of the Back to the Future films have hoped and prayed for the continuing adventures of Marty and Doc as they travel through time. October 21st seems to be the right day for the announcement, as Universal Studios, the company behind the film, released a statement acknowledging that they had begun pre-production on a fourth Back to the Future film.

Back to the Future is one of the most beloved series of all time,” said Universal Studios president Biff Tannen. “Although Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd are not able to star in the upcoming film, we have decided to move on with the series, and create a new story based on these characters and adventures.”

Tannen says that the film will not be a remake, but a direct sequel, although they will not be casting new actors to play the original parts, either.

“We want to continue the story in a way that feels organic. Marty and Doc both have children by now, and the logical step seems to be to pair these kids up for a time-traveling adventure,” said Tannen. “In the new film, we are leaning towards them traveling through time in a refrigerator. There will still be hoverboards, and there will still be a DeLorean and Einstein the dog. Doc and Marty will make appearances, I’m sure.”

The film is set to go into production in July of 2018 with a scheduled release date of October 21, 2020.

Netflix Pulls Plug On Orange Is The New Black; The Reason Why May Shock You

oitnb

LOS GATOS, California –

In a bizarre turn of events, and just months after renewing the series for a fourth season, Netflix has reportedly announced that the critically acclaimed series Orange is the New Black has been cancelled.

“We regret to inform Netflix members that Orange is the New Black has been permanently cancelled,” said Netflix in a nationally published press release. “Additionally, starting October 1st, 2015, past episodes will no longer be available for streaming on our service. We apologize to fans of the show, but the time has come to say goodbye.”

The news is a shock to fans of the show, which is based on true events described in Piper Kerman’s memoir, Orange Is the New Black: My Year in a Women’s Prison, written about her experiences during her time in jail. The show was originally renewed for a fourth season in early April, before the third season had even been released.

According to inside sources, a Netflix programming manager insisted to that there be more male leads in the show. When Kohan put her foot down and refused to buy into the idea, Netflix management made known their displeasure with how the show represents women as being strong, forceful, and oftentimes, sexually charged and agressive.

“A woman’s place has always been in the home, in the kitchen, taking care of children, doing laundry, waiting for her man to come home,” said an anonymous source inside the Netflix production team. “Women in jail? Ugh. It’s like we took everything great about OZ, threw that out the window completely, and make this show with the crappy leftovers. There’s only guy one the show, and that is Jason Biggs. Jason Biggs. The guy who screwed a pie in one half-assed comedy 15 years ago. My God, he’s just horrible. How does anyone even watch this show in the first place?”

“There are just way too many damn stereotypes on this show, anyway,” said former writer for the show Jarissa Myers. “They forced us to write sassy Latinas, angry Russians, and bossy blonde bitches on a daily basis. How many times can we really see Taylor Schilling’s character Piper fall in and out of love with someone that is just abysmal for her? The show is just getting bad. It was time to pull the plug anyway.”

According to entertainment lawyer and Empire News correspondent Jeremy Downard, there is no chance for OITNB to take the show to a television network or another streaming service such as Hulu or Amazon Prime, due to the type of contract originally agreed upon between Kerman and Netflix.

Marvel Having Hard Time Finding Good Quote About ‘Avengers’ For Marketing Materials

Avengers

HOLLYWOOD, California – 

Normally after a massive launch of a new film, the studio will find critics or reviewers who have said good things about their film, and use quotes to further market their movie. It is not uncommon to see new TV spots featuring these quotes, such as “AMAZING! – says New York Times” during prominent primetime viewing hours, urging people to see the movie.

According to an anonymous insider, though, Marvel Entertainment is having a very difficult time finding any positive reviews to use in new marketing for Avengers: Age of Ultron. 

“Normally, we’d have at least one critic who said it was ‘Awesome’ or ‘Amazing’ or whatever other generic adjective, and we could put that in a new TV ad or on some new posters, but we can’t find anyone who likes this movie,” said the anonymous source. “All the major reviews are coming in, and they’re all pretty blah. It’s not going to look very good if a new TV ad comes out, and it says ‘Go see Age of Ultron – It’s okay!”

Marvel has not commented publicly on the fact that they have no good reviews of their film, but many fans have noticed that there may be something up.

“Normally I drive by this giant billboard on the way to work, and there’s always an ad for the latest movie,” said Chicago resident Mario Levi. “Today there was an Avengers ad, but instead of the normal critics reviews, it just said ‘THE MOVIE WAS SO COOL! – @AvengersLover on Twitter.’ I don’t know who that is, but I’m guess he’s not a famous critic. I think I’ll save my fifteen bucks and watch it on Netflix in a couple months.”

Avengers: Age of Ultron opened in theatres May 1st, and is expected to have decent box office returns, without coming anywhere near the level of the first film.

‘Dexter’ Creator James Manos Jr. Admits Series Ending Was ‘Horrible,’ Plans To Bring Show Back For One Final Season

'Dexter' Creator James Manos Jr. Admits Series Ending Was 'Horrible,' Plans To Bring Show Back For One Final Season

 

MIAMI, Florida –

It can sometimes be hard to admit when a mistake is made. It can be doubly difficult when the mistake costs millions to produce and leaves a following of fans unsatisfied and despondent. That is why James Manos Jr’s admission that he could have done better with the series’ ending was such a breath of fresh air to Dexter fans.

“Quite frankly, we screwed up. It was horrible, and we’re ready to make it right with a true final season” said Manos Jr.

The Dexter series pulled in millions of fans to its twisted storyline of a serial killer tied to a bizarre moral code. Throughout eight seasons, the show wowed audiences while keeping them guessing at every turn. Unfortunately, the final episode undid all the positive motion that the previous seasons had built. A ruined climax and a rather uninspired ending left many crying foul and wanting a redo. Now, unhappy fans will finally get their wish.

“To be honest, the ending was simply thrown together because we ran out of time,” said Manos Jr. “We were all dealing with a big bout of writer’s block by the end of the show’s run. We heard that Breaking Bad was putting Walter White in the Northwest forests. We thought it would be great to put our murderer there as well. Can you imagine? A forest battle between Walter White and Dexter Morgan? We thought it was going to be brilliant.”

Unfortunately for Manos, the AMC series turned away from its original concept and killed off Walter White in the final episode, leaving Dexter in the woods alone.

“Without warning, their ending was totally different. We were left hanging there with our murderer out in the forest with no antagonist. But it was too late to save the finale since ours was a week prior to their own. They screwed us, and in turn, we screwed the fans. So now we’ve simply got to do a true final season.”

Manos Jr. Stated the ninth season could begin as early as 2016. Fans are already starting the gossip mill on who will be the antagonist, with many clamoring for Jesse Ventura.

“At the very least, even if we screwed up again, I can promise this,” said Manos Jr. “we will definitely not just cut to black in the middle of a conversation. Sorry, Sopranos. You’re alone in that boat.”

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