White College Prof. Tries To Prove There’s No Racial Bias By Police, Undergoes Surgery To Look Black – He’s Instantly Shot and Arrested

Ad

black man

BOSTON, Massachusetts – 

A white college professor at Boston College, Mark Ryder, 38, underwent over 200 hours of expensive cosmetic surgery to look “as black as possible,” with hopes that he could prove to his Ethics in Law class that there was no such thing as a racial bias by police, and that the media like to hype up issues with African Americans by police.

According to reports, though, Ryder was shot and later arrested by police after he tried to leave his doctor’s office and walk to his own car across the street.

“My client was simply walking to his car, which happened to be a brand new Tesla, and was stopped by police,” said Ryder’s lawyer, Carlton Fisher. “They assumed he was stealing it, and despite when being asked to show his hands and complying, officers shot Mr. Ryder twice. He was struck in the arm and the ribs.”

Police reports show that Ryder was “not cooperative” with police requests, and was shot after an officer believed he was reaching for a weapon. Naturally, the officer’s body camera was switched off.

Ryder has since been released from prison, and is planning a lawsuit against the Boston PD. He has also retired from teaching Ethics in Law, stating that “English is a much easier, more straight-forward class.”

Man Petitions City to Earn Community Service Credits for Future Infractions

law

CHICAGO, Illinois – 

Alen Jackson says he doesn’t plan to break laws intentionally, but he still gets hassled all the time by police and meter-maids because, according to Jackson, “I’m black and proud.”

Jackson has taken his annoyances about laws to the city, where he has proposed what he calls “earn credits.” With the credits, a person wouldn’t get ticketed or hassled for minor infractions, because they’ve earned up a sort of “goodwill” with the city.

Learn more about RevenueStripe...

“I really don’t mind volunteering for community service or that sort of thing if it meant that I would be able to cash in on it later,” said Jackson. “This would be a successful community outreach program, and I suggest it be implemented, because people who look a certain way are going to get hassled more. It’s just a fact we have to live with, and this would encourage the community to come together.”

Jackson has suggested going as far as pre-serving time. “I could just go in on the weekends, spend a little time, and not have to worry about a wrongful conviction based on my looks later on.”

Jackson has also offered an alternative plan in response to the police brutality and violence he has seen on Facebook. “I have no record of violent offenses, so I don’t want to be shot for no reason,” said Jackson. “There should be a way to advertise this to protect myself. It could be as simple as a microchip. It could send a signal that says, ‘hey, he’s black, but he’s not dangerous,’ and a lot of innocent lives would be saved.”

Chicago lawmakers say they are considering the measures suggested by Jackson.

Young Man Shot During Zombie Prank At Pennsylvania Mall

MILLTOWN, Pennsylvania – 

Rick Pilsner, 20, was reportedly shot and killed during a prank he was filming for his YouTube channel yesterday evening. Pilsner, known to his 13 followers on the social media channel as “That Prank Guy,” reportedly had dressed up in a “very realistic” zombie outfit to scare shoppers at the Milltown Plaza Mall.

“It’s a tragedy that this happened, a truly sad story,” said Milltown police chief Joe Goldsmith. “Rick Pilsner was well known in this town for his pranks and jokes, but this one just went too far for one citizen. Apparently Rick never watched the news, and didn’t know that any idiot with a gun is likely to use it, especially in a mall.”

Goldsmith says that at approximately 8pm, Pilsner went into a mall restroom and changed into his zombie outfit and makeup. At approximately 8:30pm, when he walked out of the bathroom mumbling “brainssss…brainsss…” a passing shopper drew his concealed firearm and shot Pilsner 3 times in the face.

“Yup. I saw that zombie, and he was coming right for me, screaming about eatin’ my brains,” said Jerry Moore, 62, a retired truck driver. “I was carrying my old .45, as I usually am, and when I saw him coming at me, I drew out and shot the sumbitch right in the face. After he went down, I shot him a couple more times, too. Can’t be too careful with zombies, you know.”

Moore, who was later informed that Pilsner was a young man in a costume, and not an actual zombie, reportedly commented “Pfft, that’s just what the government wants you to think. I know a real zombie when I see one.”

Goldsmith says that Moore will not face criminal charges in the case, as he honestly “feared for his life.” His weapon was temporarily confiscated for investigation purposes.

2-Year-Old Who Shot Mother In Walmart To Be Tried For Crime As An Adult

HAYDEN, Idaho – toddler shooting

Police and local investigators say that the 2-year-old toddler that fired a gun in an Idaho Walmart store, killing his mother, will be tried as an adult.

On December 30th, police say that a young mother, who was shopping with her children, was killed when her 2-year-old son reached into her purse, and discharged a small-caliber pistol that she had concealed inside. In what police originally considered a tragic accident, the woman died before paramedics could arrive.

Upon further investigation into the shooting, police have decided to arrest the 2-year-old and charge him with first-degree murder, a capital offense in Idaho.

“We strongly believe that this child knew precisely what he was doing when he reached into his mother’s purse and fired that weapon,” said Deputy Chief Joseph Goldsmith. “At this time we will not being discussing what evidence has mounted to lead us to this decision, as a trial will be pending.”

“It’s just awful that this is happening,” said Shaniqu’a Brooks, an employee at the Walmart who witnessed the events. “I saw the entire thing happen, and after she fell to the floor, her son – well, let me just say that the look on his face scared the Hell out of me.”

“If only the woman had not been carrying a concealed weapon, then this never would have happened,” said liberal talk-radio host Gerry Jones. “Only a damn fool carries a loaded weapon into a store, around children and other customers. Was there no safety on her gun? She was quoted as being a ‘responsible gun owner,’ but did she think that in an Idaho Walmart in the middle of the day she might need to shoot someone? Moreover, had her son ever touched it before? Fired it? Is this his first time killing? There are so many questions that need answers. I just hope that during the trial, we see the truth come out.”

Currently, the toddler is being held in an Idaho maximum security facility without bail, but there is reportedly a wonderful playroom with toys and cartoons. A trial date has not yet been set.

N. Dakota Town Passes New Law; Dogs That Attack Will Be Shot In Front Of Owners

WEST CARBON, North Dakota – City Passes New Law; Dogs That Attack Will Be Shot In Front Of Owners

A small town in North Dakota has recently passed a law that does not bode well with animal rights activists. In response to an increased number of dog attacks in 2014, West Carbon has passed a law requiring any dog that attacks or shows aggression – whether it be towards a human or another animal – to be shot, execution style, in front of its owners.

According to West Carbon police records, 53 dogs have been ‘put down’ in front of their owners since the law went into effect mid-2014. The most recent execution was Roxanne, a Blue Heeler owned by the McYoung family. According to Daniel McYoung, police shot Roxanne in the family’s living room after neighbors reported that they saw her biting the feet of Rusty, the McYoung’s other dog in the family’s backyard.

“This whole thing is ridiculous, Roxanne wasn’t biting or attacking Rusty, she was nipping at his heels, that’s what she does, she is a Heeler for god’s sake! The worst part of the whole incident is that the police insisted upon shooting the dog in our living room, and then did not offer to help clean up the mess they made,” said Daniel McYoung. He says that, thankfully, the one their 12-year-old daughter had been at a friend’s house for a sleepover when the police arrived.

Chief Wiggler from West Carbon Police Department publicly responded to Daniel McYoung’s statement by saying “The breed of dog is irrelevant, the dog was biting another dog, and in my book that’s an attack. In addition, the McYoung’s neighbor was of the opinion that Roxanne was attacking the other dog. People need to understand that when it comes to the law, perception is reality.”

Wiggler finished his press release by saying, “We insisted upon resolving the issue in the McYoung’s living room because it was a Saturday afternoon, and we did not want to cause a scene publicly by resolving it outdoors.”

Those that oppose the law say that it’s clearly an attempt for law enforcement to intimidate citizens, and that the law itself is inhumane.

Design & Developed By Open Source Technologies.