Bananas Imported From Brazil Found To Contain Spiders [VIDEO]

Posted on April 19, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

CARSON CITY, Kansas –

A man recently uploaded a video to YouTube showing a banana that he purchased as his local grocery store, and it’s definitely not a sight for fruit lovers. In the video, the banana bursts open, and a spider is seen leaping out from under the peel.

“It was definitely disturbing, and I’m glad that I didn’t open it and eat it, and that I saw something moving under the peel first,” said Miles Rogers, who filmed the video. “It was disgusting. I just wanted to eat a banana. I ate an apple instead. I could stomach a worm, maybe, but not a spider.”

According to recent reports, spiders have been making their way to the US from Brazil via bags of bananas. Several shoppers throughout the country have reported finding both live and dead spiders inside pre-packaged bags of bananas. Grocery stores are working hard to check fruits, but not every bag is always checked.

“If I were you, I’d buy my bananas fresh, local if it’s even possible, and definitely not in a bag,” said Rogers. “I will probably never eat a banana again. Between spiders and AIDS blood, there’s nothing that makes me want to risk it anymore.”

Doctor Discovers Thousands Of Baby Spiders Inside Boil On Man’s Face

Posted on March 26, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

MIAMI, Florida –

A Miami man visited a doctor recently for what he assumed was a skin rash or a boil on the side of his face, but doctors surprised him by explaining that the lesion was actually a spider’s nest.

“When the patient came in, he thought he was just going to be getting the area lanced and cleaned,” said Dr. Emmett Brown of Miami-Dade Hospital Center. “As soon as he came into the ER, though, we sectioned him off and had to perform minor surgery immediately.”

This is not the first time that a Miami-area man has had spider eggs laid inside their body. In 2006, another man was complaining of an itchy spot on his leg, and doctors were forced to amputate from the knee down after they discovered a colony of more than 10,000 baby spiders had nested under his skin.

“Our patient was a lot more lucky. He will not lose any of the skin on his face, and we were able to contain and kill all of the spiders,” said Dr. Brown. “Basically, a pregnant spider must have been crawling on our patient’s face during the evening, and was able to lay her eggs in an opening when our young patient was suffering from severe acne. It’s a fluke, and rare, but something everyone should be aware of.”

Using Fake Spiders In Your Halloween Decorations? Leave Them Up All Year To Scare Off Real Spiders

Posted on October 26, 2015 by Bob The Empire News Potato

BOSTON, Massachusetts –

A researcher at Cambridge College in Boston, Massachusetts, says that strategically placing fake rubber or plastic spiders around your home can effectively ward off the real thing.

Jim Carver, a research scientist at Cambridge, says that the reason that real spiders are scared of the fake spiders is unclear, but that tests have shown it works 100% of the time to rid areas of the actual, creepy arachnids.

“Spiders don’t like other spiders, that’s a pretty well known fact,” said Carver. “We figure that since spiders are not very smart, they don’t realize that the fake spiders are, in fact, fake. So they see them, and they get all upset about another spider being around, and they just leave. That’s our best guess, anyway.”

Carver suggests picking up fake spiders during the Halloween season when they are easy to come by, and placing them in areas around your home, but leaving them year-round.

“Put them in places like under your toilet, under sinks, on window frames, etcetera,” said Carver. “When a real spider comes along, he will be tricked by the fake spider, and he will leave, keeping your home free of arachnids.”

You’re welcome, arachnophobes.