2-Week-Old Baby Stuns Medical Community; Speaks In Full Sentences, Has Perfect English Skills

Posted on January 11, 2015 by JP

HUNTSVILLE, Alabama –

Two weeks ago, Carly Willis, 34, gave birth to a healthy baby boy she named Matthew. Born happy and healthy, the story takes an amazing turn, after it is being reported that the 2-week-old is already speaking, and in full sentences and perfect English.

Willis says she was in the living room of her home the day that she brought Matthew back from the hospital, and heard someone speaking in Matthew’s room down the hall.

“I was watching television in the living room after I put Matthew to bed. I started to drift off a bit myself, and at first I thought the noises were just the TV show I was watching. I awoke to someone screaming ‘Help me! Hey, I need some help in here!’ It scared me because it was coming from my son’s room,” said Willis. “I thought someone was in there with him.”

Willis says that when she went into his room, Matthew had a full diaper, and was asking her to help by changing him.

“I put a new diaper on him, and then he breathed out, like a huge sigh of relief, then said ‘Thanks, Mommy!’ I almost fainted, but I thought it’d be best to take him back to the hospital to make sure he was okay.”

Doctors at Huntsville Children’s Hospital were in shock to see Matthew speaking, and all say it is the most amazing thing that they’ve ever seen.

“I’ve been a doctor for over 15 years, and this is the most insane thing that I’ve ever seen,” said Dr. Ann Pooler. “Little Matthew speaks perfectly, in full sentences, with just a slight Southern drawl. It’s really kind of cute. He’s a little miracle.”

Representatives for the hospital say that they are working with specialists from around the world to better understand Matthew’s ability, and hope to find out how he is able to communicate so well at such a young age.

Liam Neeson Says Next Movie Is Just ‘Two Hours of Being a Badass’ While Talking on Phone

Posted on September 23, 2014 by Bob The Empire News Potato

LOS ANGELES, California –

At one point in time, Irish actor Liam Neeson was best known for starring roles in dramas such as Schindler’s List or romantic comedies such as Love Actually, but after his turn as an ex-CIA assassin in the film 2008 Taken and its sequel Taken 2 in 2012, Neeson became known more for his badass phone call skills, especially when it comes to threatening kidnappers. In the film A Walk Among The Tombstones, which was released in the US this past weekend, Neeson again plays an ex-badge, this time a former NYPD detective, who once again makes his presence known to a set of kidnappers via several intense phone conversations.

Because Neeson says he is not afraid of being typecast as “that phone guy,” he has reportedly accepted a role in a new film that begins shooting next month in Southern California, simply titled Lots of Phone Calls. Neeson will play a character who does nothing but speak in threatening, yet soothing, tones to an antagonist over the phone.

“I really got to stretch my legs as an actor, getting into some gritty action back when I did Taken,” says Neeson. “Taken 2 was also a ton of fun, and people really love to see me get wild and kick some ass. More often, though, when I meet fans on the street, they always just want me to call their friends on their cell phones and say ‘I will find you, and I will kill you.’ It’s really a kick in the pants, you know?”

Neeson says this next film will just be made up of shots of him in a dimly lit room, wearing a tight, long-sleeved shirt and an old jacket, cussing-out and threatening a group of bad guys.

“They don’t know for sure if the film’s villains will be foreign, or maybe they’ll be American. We don’t even know for sure if I’ll be playing an American or not. All we know, is that the film is going to be intense, and filled with a lot of action – if you consider harsh, tense voices to be action. It’s going to be two hours of being a badass over the phone.”

The movie is currently in pre-production, and is reportedly being directed by Antoine Fuqua.

New Massachusetts Law Makes Talking On Cell Phones In Public Illegal

Posted on August 10, 2014 by JP

BOSTON, Massachusetts –

A law has been passed in Massachusetts this past Friday which seeks to end the ‘rudeness and distractions’ created by people who excessively use their phones in public. The new law, which was signed by state governor Deval Patrick, will impose a fine of to $200 dollars for cell phone use in public locations such as restaurants, movie theaters, and schools.

The law was voted into place by the Massachusetts state representatives after numerous complaints by the public about noise pollution in public areas, acts of violence, and the general ‘distracted nature’ that comes from a person who is using their phone and not paying attention to their surroundings.

Part of the law was introduced in 2009, when the state made it illegal to text while driving. In 2011, the state created an addendum that stated it was also illegal to talk on the phone while driving, unless you were using a hands-free device.

“We knew that using the phone while driving was creating distractions and accidents,” said Governor Patrick. “Sadly, accidents aren’t just happening while driving. We’ve had reports of everything from people falling into open manholes to getting hit by cars to getting into fights after one person runs into another, all because these folks were too distracted by their call to notice their surroundings. These are the reasons we’ve created this new law.”

People who work in the restaurant industry and other fields of luxury reportedly couldn’t be happier with the new law.

“I can’t even begin to tell you how much it sucks to have to take an order from somebody who can’t even look you in the face because they are too busy chatting on their phones,” said Christine Mosier, a waitress at a Boston-area Ruby Tuesday restaurant. “First they come in talking, and they are always too busy on their phones to even place an order, then they yell because service takes too long. On top of that, I get complaints from one table saying that a nearby patron is speaking too loudly, and then ironically, that other patron will say the same about them. Just leave your phones in your car or your pocket and enjoy your meal for crying out loud.”

The state government has worked closely will all cell phone carriers to help impose the fines.

“Unlike a normal law where we’d arrest you or give you a ticket, these fines can be imposed by an officer and charged directly to your carrier. This way, if you refuse to pay your fines, your phone will be shut off due to the non-payment,” said Patrick. “In this way, we can force repeat offenders to think twice before breaking the law – or else they won’t have any way to break it in the first place.”

Several states are watching Massachusetts closely to see how the new law plays out. New Jersey, New York, and Connecticut are also considering enacting similar laws that would keep their streets ‘clean of the noise’ of flagrant cell phone users.

The new law was signed into order on Friday. It goes into effect on October 1st, 2014.