OAK BROOK, Illinois – 
McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Burger King, and several other fast food chains have been preparing for the worst, after a story about a girl with scars from a pitbull attack was allegedly asked to leave a KFC restaurant in Jackson, Mississippi because her face was “scaring other customers.”
When that story proved to be completely false, made up by the family of the young girl to gain sympathy and money for her surgeries, other fast food chains buckled down, preparing for an onslaught of fake stories created by parents of ugly or disfigured children.
“We have already informed all of our store managers that they need to treat every customer with dignity and respect, something they strive to do already.” Said Ray Kroc, president of theMcDonald’s Corporation. “We also let them know that if they get any ugly or otherwise ‘messed up’ kids in their restaurants, that they need to go the extra mile for them, and their families. We can’t take any chances, here.”
KFC Corporation had initially offered to donate $30,000 to Victoria Wilcher, the young girl who was reportedly asked to leave their restaurant, to help pay for her rapidly rising medical costs. When news broke that Wilcher’s grandmother, Kelly Mullins, had fabricated the story, KFC actually stood by their offer, something other companies might have never done.
“We offered her the money, we’re not going to take it back now.” Said Harland Sanders, president of KFC Corporation. “I mean, if the family wants to not take the money now that the world knows they’re complete liars, then that’s up to them.”
“That story went viral, and before they knew what hit them, KFC was giving away thousands of dollars. It’s now been proven that [the family] completely made up the story.” Said Dave Thomas, president of Wendy’s Restaurants. “Are they bad people for trying to scam a multi-billion dollar corporation? Well, that’s for everyone else and KFC to decide, not me. I’m not the one handing over thirty grand.”
Several fast food chains have already gone on record as saying that they will not be giving a cent to anyone, no matter how severe their fake claims are, or how hard they tug on the heartstrings of a gullible public, without proper research into any allegations.
“I don’t care if someone says we dragged a kid with no legs out of his wheelchair and pelted him with chicken nuggets,” said Kroc. “We’re not even giving the kid a free Happy Meal until we’ve investigated the matter internally.”
In this sue-happy, complaint-riddled world, it’s not just restaurants that need to be worried about these fake ‘sympathy stories.’ The entire retail world is shaking where they stand, readying themselves to be sued for anything from an offensive TV commercial to a store employee with bad breath.
“We’ve had so many complaints over the years, so many stories made up about us, I can’t keep track of them all.” Said Sanders. “We use rats instead of chicken, that our chickens are mutants, that we support the KKK…we’ve had them all. You know what, though? We’re still here, still clucking right along.”
So far, no comments have been made publicly by Victoria’s family, but their Facebook page, which was set up to help raise money for Victoria’s medical bills and was the page that originally posted the allegations against KFC, was removed on Tuesday afternoon.
