New Husband Files For Divorce After Discovering His ‘Wife’ Is Actually a Man

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BOSTON, Massachusetts –

A man has filed for divorce only hours into his own wedding night after panicking after discovering that his new wife was not exactly what “she” claimed to be.

Ken Spencer, 26, filed for a divorce with Tiana Smith, 28, only four hours into their wedding night, after discovering his partner had a penis.

The newlyweds, who are both devout Catholics, and had waited until marriage to partake in any sexual relationship, were about to consummate their vows, when Spencer discovered things were not “as they should be.”

“It’s short, stumpy and crooked. It leans on the right at a 45-degree angle, then curves back to the left. It’s definitely the grossest thing I’ve ever seen,” he explained. “I thought that Tiana was a woman. She…he…whatever. There was no mention that he was a man.”

Divorce attorney Kevin Goldstein claims that his client was lied to about the sex of his partner, who had never told him that he was born a man, and still had a penis.

Spencer is also suing his former partner for $30,000, which is what he estimated was spent in wedding costs, plus a canceled $5,000 honeymoon trip to Hawaii.

 

“Tiana had sent me pics of her boobs and even a couple down-the-pants shots, and I still have them on my phone,” said Spencer. “She was definitely trying to deceive me. It was either someone else’s vagina, or she tucked it back. Either way, I’m sick just thinking about it. I’ll show them to the  judge, and he’ll agree with me.”In many states, the fraudulent conduct of one spouse may provide grounds for divorce. The definition of fraud in the context of divorce law equates to one spouse “grossly misrepresenting issues so important that the other spouse would not have married him had she known the truth.”

‘World’s Ugliest Woman’ Married To Man Who Wore Mask ‘To Make Wife Feel Pretty’

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JASMINE, Florida – 

The world’s ugliest woman, Joanne Jones, 32, was married last week to a man who obviously has no desire to be named publicly, but who spoke to Empire News about their lavish wedding.

“I married Joanne because although she may have the most hideous face in the world, she has a rockin’ body and she sucks like a champ,” said Jones’ new husband. “I wore a mask because I wanted her to feel pretty for just one day, at least. I mean frankly, it didn’t work. I still looked better in that mask that she did, but you know, she was happy. And because she was happy, I had one hell of a wedding night.”

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“I was pretty sad when I was named Guinness’ ‘World’s Ugliest Person,’ but you know, it’s not that bad, really,” said Jones. “I do lots of speaking engagements. Public appearances. I make decent money doing that. And now I have true love. He definitely loves me, more than anyone ever has. He even wore that mask just to make me feel pretty. And that’s pretty awesome.”

“Make no mistake, I’m only with her because she’s a hell of a screw and makes good money and lives in a nice house,” said Joanne’s husband. “I went out with her on a bet, went to bed with her on a bet, shit I married her on a bet. The mask is, really, so no one knows who I am. I don’t want to be outed.”

“I love him so much,” said Joanne. “He’s the best.”

Woman Uses Hologram Technology To Have Dead Father Walk Her Down Wedding Aisle

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MONTREAL, Quebec, Canada – 

A Montreal woman used some amazing technology last weekend to make sure that she would have the dream wedding that she’d always imagined.

Mariah Johnson, 30, married her longtime boyfriend, James, in a ceremony in Montreal last weekend. What normally would have been a very nice, quiet ceremony was made into a media event when Mariah surprised everyone by having a hologram of her father walk her down the aisle.

“My father, Joseph, God rest his soul, died when I was 19,” said Johnson, an advertising executive. “My entire adult life, I’ve wished that my dad would be there to walk me down the aisle, but I knew it would never be. Then, a couple years ago, something crazy happened, and I set a major plan into action.”

The ‘something crazy’ that Johnson referred to was the 2Pac performance at Coachella in 2013. The long-dead rapper appeared as a hologram, and went on stage to ‘perform’ with other major stars at the event, including Eminem.

“I am a big fan of rap music, especially 2Pac, and that hologram got me thinking,” said Johnson. “If they could put on a big performance with sound and dancing, I could definitely got a hologram of dad for my wedding.”

Johnson said that she contacted several hologram companies throughout the US and Canada until she found one that she was happy with. The total cost? Approximately a quarter of a million dollars.

“I know that even with my good job, this wedding has put us in debt for the next 17 years, but that’s okay. Dad was there, and it was great,” said Johnson. “If only the digital tears we programmed were real, so I could have wiped them away and told him not to worry about me. James will take care of me. But somehow, I think hologram Daddy knows that.”

Drake Announces Engagement To Nicki Minaj; Singer Says She’ll ‘Knock Diddy The F— Out’

MIAMI, Florida – Drake Announces Engagement To Nicki Minaj; Singer Says She'll 'Knock Diddy The F--- Out'

Just days after a physical altercation between hip-hop heavyweights Drake and Diddy, Drake announced through his publicist, Lolita Valazquez, that he and Nicki Minaj are engaged. The rapper reportedly proposed to Nicki while in Miami earlier this week and “she said yes!” according to Valazquez.

D-Rock Morton, of the hip-hop publication The New Beat, interviewed Valazquez via telephone to confirm the engagement news. While he had her on the line, he asked about the beef between Drake and Diddy.

“It is obviously a legal matter, but I can tell you, producer Boi-1DA gave both of them a song, titled ‘0 to 100,’ and Diddy hadn’t done anything with it for months. So naturally, Drake decided to use it for himself. As you now know, the song was a huge hit for Drake. It seems that Diddy had his pride hurt, and because he’s a little bitch, it led to the altercation. That’s all I can say about the issue,” Valazquez commented.

Later in the day, Nicki Minaj did a radio interview on WFTBThe Mix! in Clearwater, Florida, confirming the engagement. She  initially spoke of how she cannot wait to marry her ‘best friend,’ but the interview quickly turned in an abrupt, and angry, direction.

“If Diddy wants to cry like a bitch because Drake recorded a song [Diddy] couldn’t even have done in the first place, then that motherf—– needs to just give it up. I tell ya what though, I will knock that old fool the f— out, believe that. Ain’t nobody gonna disrespect my bae that way. Diddy needs to apologize, or he’ll have to deal with me. That’s all I got to say about that,” Minaj told a stunned WFTB DJ.

With all that has transpired, the hip-hop community is reeling, and industry insiders are expecting some big shit to pop off between the rappers at any time. For now, fans should expect several diss-tracks to emerge after the new year.

 

Man Uses Loophole To Legally Marry iPhone 6

FRESNO, California – Man Uses Loophole To Legally Marry iPhone 6

With gay marriage being a hot button political issue over the least few years, now it appears that people will have something else to argue about. A Fresno man has recently taken to the altar, but there was no person standing across from him when he got married.

Robert Henry, age 25, has been married for about a month now. The thing hat makes this marriage strange is the fact that it isn’t even with a living creature. Henry has found a way to legal marry his iPhone 6, and claims he has no regrets in doing so.

“I waited in line for her for about 13 hours, and when I finally met her, it was love at first sight,” said Henry. “Most people don’t see this as true love, but I’ve never felt this way about any person or other object before, so it must be love.”

Henry hired lawyers in his home state of California to find a loophole in the marriage laws that would allow him to legally wed his iPhone. Once they were able to find that there was no official wording on whether a recipient of marriage had to actually be human, that was all Henry needed to continue with his quest. He hired his own officiate, and tied the knot with his new phone at the beginning of October. He has his marriage license and paper work to back it.

“Most people think I’m looking for attention, or maybe I saw the movie Her one too many times, but that isn’t the case at all. I really am in love,” said Henry.

When we asked him what he would do if he ever dropped the phone in water, or it broke, Henry was speechless. “I’m not sure. That really never crossed my mind. But, I don’t use Jennifer – that’s her name, by the way – as a real ‘phone.’ She comes with me everywhere, sure, but when it comes to making calls or texting and stuff, I have a Samsung Galaxy for that. Jennifer is usually safe in my pocket when I’m traveling.”

For now Henry and his phone live happily in Fresno, and Henry says that he has no plans on ever getting divorced, not even when the iPhone 7 comes out. “Well, unless it’s better looking than the iPhone 6,” said Henry.

 

 

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