BENTONVILLE, Arkansas – 
Expect even longer lines at Wal-Mart this holiday season if the federal minimum wage is raised, as Wal-Mart executives say they plan to lay off thousands of workers if the bill finally makes it through congress.
Douglas McMillion says, “It’s the only way we will be able to keep our costs low, while keeping the Walton family in the lifestyle they have grown accustomed to. They are in the midst of building a new addition to the family bunker. They need to be prepared to fend off the welfare horde when the inevitable economic collapse happens, and government aid dries up. In fact, everyone should be preparing for this. We have great deals on bottled water and ammo, and you’d be wise to take advantage of these low, low prices while you can.”
Recently workers have organized strikes, demanding fifteen dollars an hour. Store manager, April Ranger says, “It’s ridiculous. Wal-Mart pays a livable wage, and most of the staff is barely worth the $7.25 we give them anyway. Plus they get a 10% discount on everything they could possibly need for their families, and we give them just enough hours so that they can still receive hundreds of dollars in state aid.”
While many claim, they will stop going to Wal-Mart in support of the workers, that is easier said than done. Economist Bill Mason says, “Wal-Mart killed all competition, and now that the Main Street USA is dead, you have no choice but to spend your measly earnings at Wal-Mart. If minimum wage goes up, either costs go up, or companies downsize to compensate for having to spend more on unskilled labor. You think CEOs and shareholders will take the hit?”
Daughter of Sam Walton, Alice Walton also remarked, “Fifteen dollars an hour? Do we really need to pay cashiers more than public school teachers? This is a job anyone can get and anyone can do. It’s really too bad we can’t outsource it to India. Those people would kiss my high heels and call me Buddha for $7.25 an hour.”