Government Releases The Cure For Cancer, But With The Largest Price Tag of Any Drug in History

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

In a breakthrough discovery, officials at the Scientific Lab For Study and Research in Washington, D.C., have developed the world’s first 100% cure for all types of cancer, no matter the region in the body or the severity. Researchers have been working on the drug for more than 20 years in secret, and trials on human subjects were just completed earlier this year.

The drug, which is already approved by the FDA for use in patients, has the largest price tag of any in the history of medicine. A single injection costs $4.7 million dollars, with the course of treatment needing a total of 52 injections over the course of a year. Final cost for the treatment? Nearly $2.5 billion dollars per person.

“We know that it’s really, really high, but frankly, there’s not much we can do about it,” said lead researcher, Mario  Jones, M.D. “The ingredients in the drug warrant the cost. We’re actually taking a loss on each injection by several hundred thousand dollars. I cannot speak to, exactly, what is in the drug, because of patent concerns, but let me tell you, it’s really a great deal if you can get your hands on it.”

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