WASHINGTON, D.C. –
A leaked private recording was recently obtained exclusively by Empire News, wherein former President Donald Trump directly refers to recently acquitted teenage gunman Kyle Rittenhouse as a ‘Modern Day Hero.’
“Mr. Ex-President is, naturally, very excited about this outcome,” says an anonymous source. “He loves Kyle, and has consistently been referring to the teen as a ‘modern day hero’ after what happened in Wisconsin.”
Publicly, President Joe Biden has been very avoidant of commenting too heavily on his feelings about Kyle Rittenhouse’s arrest and subsequent trial. When Rittenhouse was acquitted last week, the Biden administration issued a statement simply acknowledging that “the jury system works, and we have to abide by it,” hinting heavily that he didn’t agree with the verdict. But Trump has been pushing in the exact opposite direction.
“Oh man, Mr. Ex-President is jumping for joy over this outcome,” says an anonymous source who works for Trump. “He threw a huge party the night of the verdict. It was like a birthday party for a deranged toddler – there were pony rides and balloons and cupcakes featuring little automatic rifles drawn in frosting. He even set up a ‘pin the tail on the looter’ section, with giant pictures of African American rioters hung on the wall, and blindfolded guests trying to stick them with giant pins. Of course, Trump fell asleep about 45 minutes into the party, but we still had a blast regardless. Kid Rock played. It was kind of wild.”
Another source claims that Trump and Rittenhouse have actually been texting each other since the verdict, bonding over their love for misplaced violence, a completely corrupt and failing justice system, and their mutual disregard for African Americans.