According to Myrtle Beach mayor John Plunkett, the utopia of the east coast will now be accepting sand dollars as currency.
With costs of all tourist expenses skyrocketing, the city decided it needed more options for currency. “There just aren’t enough dollars and cents to generate revenue anymore, especially with the rental costs for a beach umbrella at a shocking $1.00 per minute, and on a beach that could really use a good cleaning at that,” said Plunkett. As for value, one sand dollar will equal one American dollar. “We discussed this a lot, it was a very hard decision. But we figured with the word ‘dollar’ already in the mix, people would get very confused if it meant anything else.”
To be accepted as currency, sand dollars must be dead and dry. “You can’t just take a walk on the beach, find a sand dollar and try to buy a Corona with it. I know it’s a lot to ask, but for this to work we need our tourists and residents to have a grain of sand of dignity!” said Plunkett. “And trust me, a lot of research went into this, so we know what a sand dollar looks like if you use a hair dryer on it.”
The sand dollars will go into effect as real money in Myrtle Beach starting the first of next month. “The city consulted all local businesses about this, and we all agreed it would be great for us,” said local resident and waiter Boyd “Spanky” Gotcrabbes. “I can’t even express how excited I am to have hundreds of sand dollars to display on my mantle when I get home from a shift at the Crabs. No, not that kind! Shack. Crab shack! And sand dollars can’t even fit in a jar, so if I need a few bucks for a drink, all I have to do is grab some decorations, and head off to the bar.”
Plunkett, and the city of Myrtle Beach, are excited for the prospects of this new development. “If this works, other cities will do it…Charleston, Greenville, Columbia. It could even move up all the way to North Carolina. Maybe one day we’ll be in the history books for being the town that saved America from its terrible recession, and not just a boozy beach town with really expensive umbrella rentals.”