The internet has been abuzz the last several days as news of Sony Pictures’ servers being hacked, reportedly by North Koreans, hit the circuit, with Sony representatives stating that they had been locked out of many of their own computers and social media accounts, as well as several major motion pictures being stolen and distributed through online resources.
As it turns out, though, a Sony Pictures employee accidentally spilled the beans, when he let it slip to a reporter that the ‘hacking’ was all staged, and that the films that were released to the internet, including the remake of Annie and the bio-pic To Write Love on Her Arms, were expected to be ‘giant pieces of shit’ that ‘no one would ever pay to see anyway.’
“The movies that were leaked, with the exception of the Brad Pitt movie Fury, are all movies no one has any interest in seeing anyway,” said the unnamed source. “Oh boy, a remake of Annie, a classic that everyone was sick of decades ago, with an ‘urban’ cast. Wow. The To Write Love on Her Arms movie – hell, I work at the studio, and even I don’t know what that is. Another Kat Dennings flick. Again, truly underwhelmed. That’s why the studio let these movies end up online.”
The source says that Sony executives hatched the scheme to hire a group of hackers to ‘infiltrate’ their systems and lock everyone out – that way even most people who work for them wouldn’t know it was just a ruse to drum up excitement for their films.
“I only found out because I overheard some studio heads talking. ‘My God, I can’t believe we’re actually giving away these movies!’ they were saying. With the holidays coming up, and Annie coming out nationwide, I think they wanted people to go see it. It’s weird how it works – if people think that something is worth stealing, then they’ll actually pay for it. Capitalism!”
Sony Executives could not be reached for comment.