Just last week, San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick was fined $10,000 by the NFL for wearing a pair of Beats brand headphones during a press conference after the team’s win over the Chiefs. The fine was the first of its kind after a ban was placed on the product; the NFL has a deal with BOSE systems, and for the most part, players are required to either wear that brand of headphones, or none at all.
Yesterday, Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton was also photographed wearing Beats by Dre headphones, apparently not giving one second thought to the fact that he, too, could end up fined the equivalent of what amounts to half of the annual salary of many of his fans.
“I think these players, they make too much money,” said Al Ross, a lifelong football fan in Boston. “I mean, first of all, they’re out there, spending hundreds of dollars on these stupid, shitty name-brand headphones, and then the NFL says ‘Sorry, you can’t wear those,’ and instead of replacing the aforementioned pieces of shit with the free Bose headphones the club would give them, they risk having to fork over $10,000 because they want to keep wearing them? I love football, but the players are dumb as a bunch of bricks, I tell ya.”
“Personally, I’m a huge fan of sub-par headphones that break every few months, that’s why I keep wearing them,” said Bo Roberts, second-string linebacker for the Chicago Bears. “They wanted to give me the new brand that the NFL deals with, but that’s dumb. My Beats work fine for the most part, if I jiggle the wire just right and tilt my head to one side. There’s no reason to get rid of them just yet – not because the offices tell us to, anyway. That’s stupid.”
The NFL has yet to comment on whether Cam Newton would also be fined for wearing his Beats headphones. In other related news, Skullcandy is literally begging any player that they can find, in any professional0 sport, to possibly wear their headphones in public, to remind people that they, too, want to be thought of us ‘cool.’