CUPERTINO, California – 

Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of Facebook, announced recently that the company would finally release a ‘dislike’ button on the giant social media platform, which they hoped would allow for a sort of “empathy” option for people to choose on statuses that might not quite be appropriate to ‘like.’

One of the biggest concerns from major companies, who spend millions of dollars advertising on Facebook, was that too many people might just randomly click ‘dislike’ on their posts, hurting their reputation. Zuckerberg announced today that, for those companies who spend “substantial money” on ads, they would no longer have to worry.

“If you are a huge business that works with us, we certainly don’t want to let you down with our new ‘dislike’ option,” said Zuckerberg. “So, we have come up with a solution. Any company who spends more than $1 million with us each calendar year will not have the dislike option on their sponsored posts, thus making sure that the only option is to ‘like’ the posts or ads.”

Zuckerberg continued, saying that any company who spent more than $5 million on ads and sponsored posts each year would automatically get a like each time someone scrolled by.

“If you are a major company, and you spend major money with us, we want to keep you happy,” said Zuckerberg. “When a user scrolls by your ad or post, it will automatically register as a ‘like’ from that user, just because they saw it. We are also working on ways to make negative-based comments disappear when left on posts by large companies. A happy big business is a spend-happy big business. We need this, because no one wants to end up like MySpace or Google+.”

CEO Zuckerberg says that keeping big business happy is the only way to see a long-term survival by the social media giant.