BALTIMORE, Maryland –
Repbulicans across the country have come together, at least on the internet, to blame the one person they say is the most likely candidate as the cause of the Baltimore riots – President Barack Obama.
“Obama is black, and this is all a black thing,” said young, white Republican Joe Goldsmith. “Obviously if we had a white president, there would be no monkeys rioting in Baltimore, stealing things and acting like animals, even if they are only a half-step up from apes in the first place.”
“Obama needs to pull his head out of his ass, and tell all his black brothers in Baltimore to get their shit together,” said old, bitter Republican Richard Brand. “Obviously Barack Hussein Obama is the reason that these blacks feel they can even get away with this. They know that in the end, if they get too far into the system, their black buddy in the oval office will just pardon away their crimes. It’s sick.”
According to several commenters on the internet, though, it’s the Republicans who are to blame.
“All you rich, white honkey bastards are to blame for this mess,” said Baltimore resident Jamal Carter. “If ya’ll whitebread mothers hadn’t installed white, racist cops into the police system, and if all you white cornbread bitches hadn’t built businesses in our city, selling your high-end TVs and laptops and cell phones, we wouldn’t have no reason to loot and steal. It’s clearly not Obama’s fault, it’s whitey’s fault.”
Obama, who could not be reached for comment, has only only 1 and a half years left in office, but has said previously he assumes that he has at least 4 to 5 more years of being blamed for every problem the country encounters.