WASHINGTON, D.C. –
President Donald Trump was stunned recently when he reportedly went to shake hands with a new White House intern, and realized that his hands were, in fact, very small.
“I always thought my hands were yuge,” said Trump. “Everything I have is yuge. Yuge houses. Yuge cars. Yuge wang. I was in a state of pure shock when I realized that my hands were completely enveloped in this man’s massive mitts.”
According to the intern, he didn’t notice any real, disparaging size.
“He seemed to have pretty normal hands, possibly a bit smaller than normal. Nothing that couldn’t hold onto a double Whopper with cheese with any issue, you know?” said the intern.
Trump reportedly spent the remainder of the day locked in the oval office, alone.
“I can’t be sure, but I’m pretty certain that I heard a lot of weeping coming from in there,” said an unnamed secret service agent. “I haven’t heard that much moaning coming from the oval office since Bill was in charge.”