Match.Com To Being Pairing Couples Based On Their Kinky Sexual Fetishes


ATLANTA, Georgia – 

Everyone has seen the new ads for, with the creepy, awkward man talking to singles on the street about why they should sign up, and pay for, a service that will match them with their future spouse. Now those ads may get a lot kinkier, as the company announced today that a new, big part of their matching service will be based on sexual kinks.

“If you liked getting spanked and need a new daddy to do it, we want to know it, but we’ll find you that daddy,” said owner Barry Diller. “If you’re a fan of watersports and getting peed on, then we can help you with that, too.”

“There are tons of parts of being in a loving, and compatible, relationship, and we used to always focus more on the mood and romantic side,” said web designer Miles Roger. “What we’ve decided to do is to change our entire website when it comes to matching, because although people want to be matched with someone that will send them flowers or chocolates, they also want to be matched with the guy whose going to fulfill their rape fantasy or get freaky on a webcam with them.”

Match says that their new website, which will feature a “slew” of new questions for members to fill out, will launch in June.

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