WASHINGTON, D.C. –
In a shocking, unprecedented move, President Trump has made an announcement from the White House early this morning that had rattled the entire nation.
“It’s time that I quit tweeting,” said President Trump to a room of Associated Press reporters. “Throughout 2017, it has been a source of continued embarrassment for me, as I try and say and do what any one of you would on your own accounts – I just wanted to speak my mind. Unfortunately, the Fake News outlets like CNN have used my tweets time and time again to twist my words and try and make me look bad. Well no more.”
Trump stated that his official account would continue to run, but that it would announce only breaking political and world news, and it would be completely run by staff members.
“I’m giving them the passwords, advising them to change them all, and I will no longer have access to my Twitter accounts,” said Trump. “It’s my 2018 new year’s resolution, and I will stick by it.”
In the meantime, Trump has taken to other social media websites and set up accounts, including on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Grindr.
“I had no idea what that last one was, but it seemed like it could be a good time,” said Trump.