Drinking Gasoline May Help To ‘Cleanse’ Your Intestines, Keep You Regular

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ATLANTA, Georgia – 

Bill Myers, 42, says his morning routine hasn’t changed in nearly a decade – he gets up, drinks a glass of straight gasoline, enjoys a glass of milk, then immediately has explosive diarrhea.

“It’s the gasoline that does it for me,” said Myers, explaining his regimen. “You see, I was stuffed up, if you will, for a really long time. I mean, I didn’t go to the bathroom more than once or twice a month. It was horrible. Doctors were just about to cut me open with the amount of stool I had built up inside. But then, something crazy happened, and it changed my life.”

The “something crazy” that Myers is referring to is a car accident that he was in on Christmas eve 2006.

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“I was coming home from work, and I hit a patch of black ice,” said Myers. “The car flipped over a few times, and the gas line was punctured. I was lucky to be alive, but at the same time, I also swallowed a lot of the gasoline as it got all over my body and my face. In less than a minute, I was shitting myself. When the paramedics arrived, I was too excited to even be embarrassed.”

Myers says that he now enjoys a full glass of gasoline every day when he gets up, another after lunch, and one right before dinner.

“Doctors tell me that I’m pretty much going to die any time now because of my habits, but I don’t care,” said Myers. “Once you start shitting on the regular, you do whatever you can to keep it going!”

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