J.K. Rowling Admits She Wrote Harry Potter to Convert Kids to Wicca

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LONDON, England – J.K. Rowling Admits She Wrote Harry Potter to Convert Kids to Wicca

In a statement on her official website, Harry Potter series author J.K. Rowling finally admitted that she wrote the series on behalf of the Wiccan religion. In years past, many Christian groups were considered obnoxious for advocating that the books be banned from schools due to their potential for polluting children’s brains with belief in witchcraft, but apparently they were not as crazy as originally thought.

“It’s been so many years, and the built-up guilt has been like a rainy cloud following me everywhere I go. When I write, when I sleep, when I practice magic, when I go to the bank to deposit my billion dollar Harry Potter checks . . . my secret was like my Horcrux, and now I’ve destroyed it so my soul can be whole again for the witches,” Rowling wrote. “It’s about time that I tell the world I am a strong supporter of Wicca. I truly believe in its benefits as a religion. I wrote Harry Potter to please the Mother Goddess. They needed new followers, and they needed young followers. I wrote the series to manipulate young minds into believing witchcraft was real, and it worked.”

According to Rowling, the Wiccan community knew about this the whole time. In fear of losing followers if they released the series’ true intentions early, they forced Rowling to wait until it already fulfilled their hopes and dreams—a younger, broader Wiccan community. “She saved us. Everyone who reads Harry Potter or watches the movies supports us. Rowling donates a large portion of her money to our experiments and facilities,” an anonymous and active Wiccan witch said.

Rowling closed her statement saying, “I am deeply sorry if I have offended you with my propaganda. I hope that my readers, Wiccan or not, can still enjoy my work. And above all, I hope that this revealing information does not influence your opinions on myself, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and especially Hedwig.”

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