OAK BROOK, Illinois –
McDonald’s has been taking fire from underpaid employees for years, with workers demanding a raise to at least $15 per hour, the lowest wage they claim they are “worth.” McDonald’s, which has very few corporate-owned locations and mostly is run by franchisees, have constantly fought back, claiming rightfully that none of their employees are worth or deserve $15 for the menial, easy jobs that they perform.
In an announcement released by the company this morning, though, McDonald’s has agreed to help its massive workforce by paying a large percentage of each employee’s child support payments.
“It came to our attention that a lot of employees needed a wage increase solely to pay for their over abundance of children,” said McDonald’s CEO Ronald McDonald. “As opposed to increasing the hourly wage, which we fear would send more of our employees straight to the liquor store or to their dealer, we have decided instead to allocate funds directly to the state governments, which they, in turn, can divide amongst the families of our employees for their mandated child support payments.”
McDonald’s says that they plan on putting the new payouts into effect on January 1st. In the extremely likely case that both parents work at McDonald’s locations, the money that would go to the parent that has custody will instead be “held” by the company for the child until they have reached the age of 18.
“At that point in time, they can choose to accept the money for either a college education, or for other useful items, such as a car,” said McDonald. “They will never, ever be handed cash or a check, because as stated, we are highly aware that they would more than likely go to use it on drugs or alcohol, just as their minimum wage parents would.”