Miss Cleo Diagnosed With Terminal Illness

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LOS ANGELES, California – 

Youree Dell Harris, better known as Miss Cleo, has been out of the limelight since her phone service was shut down in 2002. Except for voicing the character of Auntie Poulet in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, her career in the public eye has all but died out. Still, she was beloved by insomniacs who were lulled to sleep by her commercials, and she hopes her fans will donate to her Gofundme campaign.

“I saw it [my illness] in the cards, so it aint no surprise to Auntie Cleo. Of course I thought it’d be the cancer like took me momma, not that damnable lupus. My soul will be at peace with my time on earth as long as I can spend my last days in luxury,” says Harris on her GoFundMe page.

Cleo feels she was cheated by the company who ran her “Call Me Now” phone service, making millions off her likeness. “My destiny in this life was a mansion, not this shithole apartment they got me in now. They cheated me. They cheated my soul. They stole my destiny.”

The Miss Cleo organization was investigated for fraud in the late 90s, and the company she was the spokesman for was forced to shut down.

“Miss Cleo is gonna die? Well hell, ain’t that a bitch,” said one Miss Cleo caller, who was taken for over $3,000 in 1-900 toll charges. “She told me I was going to get very rich someday, and instead, I had to pay out the ass for the calls. They should have called her Miss Clepto the way she screwed everybody.”

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