LOS GATOS, California –
Netflix co-founder and CEO Rod Houston announced today that the on-demand streaming media giant has developed a new way of offering cable services to millions of Americans, which includes HBO, Showtime, The Movie Channel, all sports networks, including NFL Sunday Ticket and NBA Season Pass, among others for the unbelievably low price of $16.99 a month.
“Basically, we will have guys running around hooking up cable illegally, from house to house, and we’ll be the middle-man for content. But, I mean, if everyone is happy, is it a crime?” Houston said. “Aren’t you tired of switching back and forth between cable providers? Burnt out on the selections provided through Netflix streaming? Of course you are. Our selection is mediocre at best. Do you need more? Of course you do! I am pleased to announce that we have started our venture of becoming the only cable provider in the country, giving us control over everything! Well, that’s the idea anyway, not sure how we are going to do it, but it is a good idea.”
The confused reporters sitting in on the announcement apparently assumed the CEO had lost his mind, before he went on to explain why he’d really brought them all there, as the witty and clever Netflix lead-man went on to admit that he was joking about the whole thing.
“Ha! I got you guys again! I called this press conference strictly for the purpose of reminding each and everyone of you that the complete Friends series is now on Netflix, and what else do you need in your life but those goofy, nerdy, kinda-funny-but-the-show-was-pretty-much-shit Friends cast?!” Houston rambled. “Also, don’t worry, we are working diligently to close a deal to bring in the Muppet Show. It is a glorious time to be a Netflix subscriber!”
Irked reporters and spectators immediately cancelled their Netflix subscriptions, and switched to Hulu.