NORTH DAKOTA –
Despite Obama trying to shut down work on the Dakota Access Pipeline as a last resort before Donald Trump was sworn in, there is still massive unrest in the area, with protests lighting up daily. Unfortunately, it seems that there may be a complete shutdown of the project after all, because researchers have recently discovered that the oil running through the pipeline is “chock full” of the smallpox virus.
“We had several employees of Dakota Oil and Drilling who became very ill after several gallons of oil leaked during a routine drilling expedition,” said Dr. Mario Santone of St. Marie’s Medical Center. “Through several tests, we determined that the workers did, indeed, have smallpox. When we were provided with a sample of the oil from the drilling site, we were alarmed to find that there were over 46 million parts per ounce of smallpox. The number is staggering, and it makes the oil very ‘toxic’ to humans.”
President Trump, who re-started work on the pipeline immediately after taking office, was told about the dangers of continuing to allow people to work or even protest in the area, with a possible smallpox outbreak imminent if a leak occurred. Trump says he’ll “think about it,” and may just quarantine the people who are already in the area from returning home.