Skinny People ‘Insulted’ by Kelly Clarkson’s Disregard of Celebrity Body Type Standards

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Skinny People Insulted by Kelly Clarkson’s Disregard of Celebrity Body Type Standards

LOS ANGELES, California – 

Society has revealed its collective disgust at the blatant disregard shown by Kelly Clarkson for its standards. This comes days after Clarkson reacted nonchalantly to Katy Hopkin’s description of her ‘baby fat’ as just ‘fat’ and accusation that Clarkson ate her backup singers.

“We’ve worked for millennia at creating a globalized world in which our standards are… standardized,” said Monica Peele, a fashion model and self-proclaimed ‘fatist.’ “Miss Clarkson is spitting in the face of our long history of shaming anyone who does not conform. As a celebrity, she is meant to model exactly what we want of her. We feel betrayed by her continuing insult.”

Friends of the singer came to her defense. They said that her decision not to worry about her weight had nothing to do with society’s expectations, and that they know she still has respect for the people who gave her her fame in the first place.

“Kelly is fat, there’s no denying it,” said one anonymous friend. “She has decided not to conform to body-image standards set by skinny bitches, because of her – well, because of her own reasons. It’s nothing personal towards society as a whole. Also, we think there may be some other issues we’re not quite aware of.”

People like Peele, who consider themselves authorities on ‘fatties in the media,’ however, have hit back, saying that’s “just not the point.”

“Whether or not it’s personal has never mattered to Society,” said Joe Howerbrick, Peele’s underwear model boyfriend whose six pack abs are featured on billboards across the country. “What’s important is that societal norms are acknowledged and upheld. It’s exactly Clarkson’s indifference that is so difficult to stomach. If others follow her lead, the entire Social Contract will be at risk. What’s next – women with small breasts proudly walking around topless?”

Feminist leaders have praised Clarkson for her “courage to stand in the face of what a misogynistic world expects of her. She’s fat and disgusting, and we support her in her decision to stay that way. We can’t wait until her obesity hits record heights, and she’s still in the public eye. It’ll literally crush these skinny douchebags, pardon the pun.”

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