Surgeons Remove Toy From Man’s Rectum For 37th Time

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HUNTSVILLE, Alabama – empire-news-doctors-remove-toy-from-mans-rectum-37-times

A man was recently admitted to the Crestwood Medical Center in Huntsville, Alabama for surgery to remove a toy that had become lodged inside his rectal cavity. The man, whose full name is unknown but who doctors refer to as “Buzz,” has had the exact same procedure done previously an astounding 36 times, all at the same hospital within the last 3 years.

Doctors are well aware that Buzz’s story about how it happens is completely false, but they say it makes for a good laugh every time they see him limp through the door.

“He likes to say that his son leaves all his toys and action figures around, on the couch and on the chairs, and because Buzz doesn’t notice, when he sits down, there they go – to infinity and beyond. We humor him, because he’s got full insurance and the money is coming in.” said Dr. Timothy Allen, the surgeon who treats Buzz.

The hospital has tried to work with Buzz to see a sexual therapist, but Buzz refuses and insists that it is an accident, and he is not inserting characters inside himself for any sort of sexual thrill.

“I can believe once…maybe. I don’t even think I could believe it could happen twice.” Said Andy Davis, a nurse at Crestwood who has previously treated Buzz during his recovery from surgery. “I definitely cannot even think about this happening 37 times without this man really needing some professional help. He needs a therapist, or possibly a prostitute.”

When asked why the hospital continues to give him back the extracted toy after each surgery, Dr. Allen said the answer to that was the strangest part of the whole story.

“We’re not giving him the figure back. We discard it each and every time. Yet when he comes back to us, it’s the exact same toy.  The man must really like the way it feels…[or] if you believe his story, his son has the most boring toy collection imaginable.”

The hospital has said that they would continue to treat Buzz whenever he needed their services, although they did say they hope at least once he comes in with a flu or a broken arm.

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