Land O’ Lakes To Release Butter In New, Odd Stick Form


ATLANTA, Georgia – 

Land O’ Lakes, a dairy company well known for their butter and margarine products, has said that they plan on releasing a new type of butter in a stick, with a twisting end, much like a giant glue stick that children use in school.

“Butter is a super, duper, pain in the you know what to cut and spread,” said Lakes spokesman Burt Honey. “You cut it and go to put it on your bread, and it’s hard, and it just tears the bread in two. You try and melt it a bit, and its too soft, and then you’ve got soggy, nasty bread. This product solves everything.”

Honey says that Land O Lakes has been working on the project secretly for over 20 years, as they didn’t want to “give away trade butter secrets,” but plan to release the item in the spring, just in time for what they refer to as “toast season.”

“Toast season is, generally, March through May, and that’s the time of year where people eat the most toasted bread,” said Honey. “We are extremely excited to have this new product out in time for toast season. We know people will love it.”

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