WASHINGTON, D.C. –
Good news if you have some African roots in your family, as you will be receiving a nice check in the mail sometime before President Obama leaves office. Obama has secretly pushed through a new bill that will pay each African-American 18 years or older a check for $10,000. Sources say that Obama decided to do this as a way to give back to his people, and also give them a boost finically towards making their lives better.
While the money can be used for whatever the person chooses, Obama is recommending that the money be used towards paying off debt or investing in education.
“I love my American people, and I wish that I could do this for every citizen, but the fact is – I don’t have the budget to do that. The African-American people helped me get into office, and before I leave I want to make sure that I show appreciation for all my niggas out there,” said President Obama. “White people generally have enough money anyway, and the black man has been held down for years. It’s time that they got theirs.”
The Republican-controlled caused an uproar over Obama’s words and new bill, but after the President gave his argument of how this can boost the economy, they jumped on board.
“Sure, taxpayers will be footing the bill, but you have to understand the influx in the economy this will have,” said Obama. “There will be new TVs, cars, gold chains, and fried chicken flying out of the doors of every retail store that sells them. This influx in the spending of African-Americans will be great, and it will help everyone.”
Obama wants to make it clear that this has nothing to do with race or “playing favorites,” but he claims that the numbers speak for themselves, and that black people are the ones that truly need a helping hand.
ATLANTA, Georgia –
In a move to finally make some amends for slavery, the Georgia State Legislature has passed a reparations bill that will go into effect immediately. The bill, which met very little opposition, will give every black male resident of the state of Georgia a tax-free check for $2,500. The deadline to register for the checks will be April 1st, 2015, with checks set for a November mailing.
“I pushed for this bill to pass and I pushed hard,” said Governor Nathan Deal. ”My fellow Republican governors and I felt it was the time was right to say ‘I’m sorry’. Slavery was a dark time in our history, and no amount of money could ever truly make amends, but all we could afford was $2,500, and even that was pretty damn hard to get.”
“It wasn’t easy getting Obama to release the money from the federal reserve, so I don’t think other states will be able to pass their own bills, at least not soon,” said state representative Bill Jones. “Since it looks like it will only be Georgia, I encourage all black males to move to Georgia and set up residency by Jan. 15th, 2016 if you want your money. Georgia has a lot to offer; good schools, warm weather, and an international airport in case you would like to spend that $2,500 on tickets to Africa or Jamaica or whatever. However you spend the money is your business, but remember it’s only for Georgia residents, so move to Georgia and remember, ‘We’re sorry.'”
“Is Obama an idiot? The republicans hoodwinked him good here,” said Democratic Senator Elizabeth Warren. ”If all the African-Americans move to Georgia, who’s going to vote democrat in the other states? Obama just handed the electoral college to the republicans for 2016. Damn him. The least he could do was do it right and have the greedy corporations pay for it.”