HUNTSVILLE, Alabama –
In a bid to give more focus to specific requirements of education that they feel are most important, officials in the Alabama school district in Huntsville say they are working to phase out math and science classes, to focus on subjects that they say ‘matter the most.’
“Our students have an abysmal time, as do most students throughout the country, reading and writing,” said school superintendent Russell Davis. “If we remove math and science, as well as gym and after-school sports, from the students’ curriculum, it will give us more time to focus on teaching them proper grammar and language skills.”
Testing scores in English and grammar, as well as reading comprehension, have been done throughout the state of Alabama for over a decade, declining year-over-year. With math scores staying steadily in the ‘average’ area, school officials began making the necessary steps to eliminate what they consider ‘extra work.’
“It’s time we got rid of math. Most of our kids are proficient enough at basic math, and since they’ll all end up working at some fast food joint anyway, all they need to know how to do is make change,” said school principal George Jackson. “But, they’ll never be able to get a job at all if they can’t read the application and write their name down correctly. It’s a win-win for these stupid kids.”
Other states will be watching closely to see the results of the new curriculum in Alabama, with a specific focus on future test scores.
“I’m so glad that Joey isn’t going to be bringing home math anymore,” said Marsha Goldsmith, mother of 12-year-old Joey. “I don’t know shit about math, and I barely have time after getting home from work at Burger King to figure out his damn problems. It’ll be much easier just showing him how to conjugate a verb.”