Planned Parenthood Facilities To Allow Staff To Carry Concealed Weapons After Latest Attack

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

After the latest attack on a Planned Parenthood facility, the group’s spokesman has announced that they plan to allow employees and contractors to carry concealed weapons while they are working.

“Too many people are being gunned down at Planned Parenthood facilities, and it’s mostly because crazy white folks are shooting at us too damn often,” said Lashonda Jackson, spokesman for Planned Parenthood. “The funny thing is, they think we’re just about doing abortions or something. We’re literally called Planned Parenthood. What we do is in our damn name, for crying out loud. We’re not called Baby Abortions ‘R’ Us. Stop getting mad at us, white folks.”

The latest shooter, who has been arrested by police, is white, although not a Republican, as most people naturally assumed.

“If I would have had to have taken a guess, I’d have said Republican for sure,” said Jackson. “A democrat or an independent normally isn’t crazy and stupid enough to just shoot pregnant women. Mostly because common sense would tell you that a pregnant woman’s baby can’t exactly live without said pregnant woman, so you’re kind of a moron and a hypocrite if you shoot up a planned parenthood facility. Morons filled with hypocrisy is the creed of the Republican party.”

Jackson says that because of all the shootings, employees will now be allowed to carry concealed weapons. Patrons are also encourage to carry.

“If you come into one of our facilities with plans to attack, we want to be prepared, and we want to show you exactly how prepared we are,” said Jackson. “The next crazy, white, Republican lunatic will think twice before shooting up a Planned Parenthood.”

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