DAYTONA BEACH, Florida –
Katie Brown, a stupid bitch who posted a picture of her dog with his mouth duct taped shut, along with the caption “This is what happens when you don’t shut up!!!” was arrested by police after the photo went viral, being shared on Facebook over a quarter of a million times, and prompting thousands of calls to local Daytona Beach police.
“We investigated, and despite her claims that she only taped the dog’s mouth for ’60 seconds’ or some such bullshit, we decided that we hated her, and that swift justice is the best justice,” said an anonymous policeman on the Daytona force. “So we snagged her up, hog-tied her, and wrapped a full roll of duct tape around her dumb, animal abusing, cunt mouth.”
Upon hearing that police had gotten involved, the internet immediately forgot how much they normally hate cops, and gave them much praise.
“I am so glad that our boys in blue took it upon themselves to treat this disgusting, haggard-looking bitch a lesson,” said Facebook user Jerome Myers. “There are certain things you don’t do in this world, and that’s hurt an animal. That poor dog deserves better, and I hope that any and all animals have been removed from that wrinkled twat’s home.”
Most people readily agree that any and all punishment that Katie Brown receives will be, frankly, not enough.