Matthew Perry Admits Filming ‘Friends’ Caused Substance Abuse Problems

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NEW YORK CITY, New York –

Matthew Perry admits he does not remember much of the years he spent on Friends, and says he would never have been an alcoholic and drug addict if he had made different career choices.

“I didn’t remember the years I filmed Friends, and I can say I don’t want to. At the time I think I was trying to block it all out. When I look back now, and I watch the re-runs, I think ‘what a horrible show!’ Even the royalty checks can’t block out that garbage. If you were me trying to get through that shit, you’d have been messed up, too.”

Perry says that although there were copious amounts of drugs on the set, he did not partake until after hours. “Coke service was right next to food service, but I always stayed straight while we were filming. I’m a professional. Even though I was disturbed by what I was doing, the character I was playing, I stuffed all that down until later. I always started the night with booze. By morning I was crawling out of a k-hole and someone was splashing water on my face.”

In addition to Ketamine, the actor admits to using alcohol, Xanax, and cheap heroin. Perry says over time the drug use ate at his memory, and now the memories of being on the set of Friends are completely blocked out. “Part of it is post-traumatic stress. Most of it was the drugs. Almost all of it can be blamed on David Schwimmer.”

Will Ferrell Apologizes For Making So Many Unwatchable Movies

Will Ferrell Apologizes For Making So Many Unwatchable Movies

HOLLYWOOD, California – 

Comedian Will Ferrell, best known for making completely horrendous comedies that, somehow, do ridiculous box office numbers, recently apologized publicly for his string of just straight unwatchable films.

“I know that I’ve yet to make a really great, unforgettable movie, and I’m sorry for that,” said Ferrell to the Hollywood Outsider Magazine. “It’s hard pretending to be funny all the time. I constantly have to surround myself with great comedy writers and an amazing supporting cast. I want people to leave one of my worthless movies and think it was hilarious. I’m trying, but I know I’m failing hard. I wish I could do more, but so far, it’s just been mediocre luck.”

Ferrell’s most recent movie, Get Hard, co-starring comedian Kevin Hart, has been ripped apart by critics for being racist, homophobic, and worst of all, totally unfunny.

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“It’s hard to make a really great movie when you’re just showing up and obviously phoning it in,” said film reviewer Mark Lipson of FilmOnFire.gov. “Ferrell says he tries so hard for the laughs, but you wouldn’t know it watching him, as every movie he just plays dumb schlock after dumb schlock, and you feel no pity for him whatsoever. I was hoping he’d end up in prison during Get Hard, so at least the movie might just end.”

Ferrell says that he plans to try and make more “good” movies, with actual acting and stories, which he says he’s come close to doing previously with movies like Everything Must Go and Stranger Than Fiction. 

“I made a couple black comedies, dramas,” said Ferrell. “They were box office bombs, but at least I could stretch my acting legs a bit, and show off that I could do more than play an unlikeable moron. I hope to do more good movies down the road.”

Ferrell says that he also plans to be nicer to fans, and perhaps become more friendly when they approach him for pictures or signatures. According to Autograph Magazine, which ranks celebrities on their level of approachability for fans and autograph seekers, Ferrell consistently ranks on their “worst” list, despite being someone that most fans seem to think would be nice because of his doltish roles.

He mocks people, taunts and embarrasses them when they ask for autographs,” says Autograph Magazine. 

“Yeah, I guess I should try and care about fans a bit more, too,” said Ferrell. “After all, they’re the ones who for some reason keep paying money to see my movies. They’re the ones who’ve afforded me a nice house and a driveway full of Prisuses. I am sorry for not living up to the fans’ expectations on any level.”

 

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