HOLLYWOOD, California –
It’s happened to all of us. After a night of alcohol and debauchery, we face the next day with terrible regrets. At some point, every one of us has woken up next to a drunk Channing Tatum, and that is exactly what happened to Mary Shelly Wood of California.
“I knew I had a bit too much to drink, but I didn’t realize it was that bad,” she mumbled to a close friend through the haze of a harsh hangover. “This has never happened to me. I mean, I’ve woken up next to hunky men before, but usually I remember how they got there.”
Although Wood acknowledges having had sexual fantasies of the Magic Mike star, this situation was something she’d never had in mind.
“I’ve been warned by so many friends that I don’t want to end up like they did – in bed with the totally wasted man of my dreams. But I was naive. I thought that sort of thing couldn’t happen to me.”
Mary’s sister Lucy says her sibling has a lot to learn.
“Of course, she’s going through what all of us have been through,” said Lucy. “She’ll carry her regrets throughout the day, mingled with the hope that Channing will decide that she’s “the one” and make her the happiest girl in the world. Then, at some point over the next week, he’ll wake up, put on his underwear, make himself breakfast and walk through the door, never to return. I’ve been there. We all have, and I realize now that it’s time to warn our little brother, Jeff.”
Trainee journalist, Michael Mahone, adorably thought he could get a statement out of the 21 Jump Street actor. He too experienced the same terrible regrets we all have – of finding ourselves interviewing a grunting, unconscious Channing Tatum in someone else’s bed.