Hollywood Says That They Are ‘Done’ Making Reboots, Remakes; Original Content Only Starting 2017

LOS ANGELES, California –

All the major studios in Hollywood, including Paramount, Universal, Fox, and more, released a joint announcement today saying that they have “heard the call” of the movie fan, and will no longer be rebooting or remaking films, and plan to release nothing but original films and content going forward.

“People have been complaining a lot, and the internet is really the most important fan we have,” read the statement. “We have listened, and starting in 2017, there will be no more reboots from any of our studios. No remakes, either. We will still have sequels, because they’re built-in audiences that are usually cash cows, but no longer will we decide to make a movie based on another movie that is only 10 years old, that itself was based on a comic or TV series that was only 3 years old.”

The internet let out a collective yell of celebration at the news, praising Hollywood filmmakers for the first time since Avatar was released.

“Finally, they’re doing something right, and listening to what we want,” said Kip Hendrix, who says he ‘loves movies more than sluts love dick.’ “I’m so glad that I will never again have to see a movie in anticipation of another version of it being released by the time I get home from the theatre. Hollywood has sucked lately, and this is going to fix it.”

HOLLYWOOD, California –

Melissa McCarthy says she is sick of playing the same role all the time. Now, she is ready to ‘spread her wings’ and take on a more challenging concept for the upcoming Ghostbusters reboot.

“I have been sitting uncomfortably in the same character for a long time,” the actress stated. “It’s time I come out of my shell, and show what I can really do.”

According to sources, McCarthy caused a stir when she told the producers of her decision to tackle a new dynamic in her acting prowess. Paul Feig, who is heading the project, had this to say about McCarthy’s decision.

“Obviously we hired her for a specific role type, and felt she was right for the character we had in mind. But, after she approached us about the character and her direction with it, we feel comfortable letting her expand the character.”

McCarthy, who came to fame for her roles in both TV and movies, said she wants to be more inspiring, both to herself and to others.

“I’ve just become so tired of playing the same shackled character. I think it’s time I really express myself, and stop playing such ‘between the lines’ kind of characters,” said McCarthy. “I want my new characters to be more brash, outspoken, and crass. No more having to try to figure out what my characters are all about. I’m tired of the subtly and unspoken dialogue I have to portrait. I’m going to make them sassy, bold, full-figured women. The meek characters are all over for me.”

When confused entertainment reporters asked McCarthy to expand on how she viewed her previous characters, she explained frankly, “Well, you know – you can only play the straight man for so long. Now it’s time for me to show my goofball side. I’m going to tickle the hell out of your funny bones in this one. Just wait! It’s going to be a side of me that you never thought you’d see.”