People With Tattoos 85% More Likely To Develop Cancer, Study Finds

DENVER, Colorado –¬†

Researchers at the Denver Institute For Scientific Studies have recently released their findings on a 10-year study, comparing the likelihood of cancer in person with tattoos versus those without. The study claims to have found an almost definitive link between the two, stating that in more than 85% of cases, people who had tattoos were more likely to have cancer-causing cells in found in their body.

“It’s staggering, really, how likely it is that you’ll end up with cancer if you have tattoos,” said research head, Dr. Richard Kimball. “This entire thing started after my dear mother got her first tattoo at age 70, and then developed rectal cancer not 4 months later. After she died, I wanted to see if there was a causal link between the two. As it turns out, there is.”

Dr. Kimball says that, for those who already have tattoos, there isn’t much you can do to revert the development of cancer-causing cells in your body, but for those who do not have tattoos but are thinking of getting one, he urges people to reconsider.

“Do not get tattoos. They may look pretty, sure, but you don’t want do die of cancer for your skin art,” said Dr. Kimball. “I know that my dear, dead mother did not want to trade her life for a tattoo. Had we known ahead of time that she was likely to get sick, I definitely would have talked her out of¬†getting that slutty dolphin tramp stamp for her 70th birthday.”

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