10 Reasons You Need to Buy the New Amazon Dash

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10 Reasons You Need to Buy the New Amazon Dash

PHOENIX, Arizona – 

When Amazon released their new product last week, many thought it was an early April Fool’s joke. The Amazon Dash is a tangible version of their online, One-Click purchase capability. Simply press the button and household items will automatically be reordered.

But the Amazon Dash may actually prove useful in the long run. Here are 10 reasons you may consider making it part of your household:

  1. No more time spent considering whether or not you really need new toilet tissue.
  2. Teaches children that a new gadget can actually be really unexciting.
  3. Gives you something to do on the toilet besides playing Candy Crush.
  4. Allows paralysed individuals who can only use their fingers to experience the joys of shopping like everyone else.
  5. We all need a bit more Amazon in our lives.
  6. When Amazon finally uses drones for everything, can create a fun family game of pressing the button and shooting down your delivery.
  7. Pets can be further anthropomorphised by learning to order their own food.
  8. Machines can be further anthropomorphised by ordering own refills, bringing us ever closer to the glory days of robot domination.
  9. Lord it over friends who have to press “A” in their URL line, wait until Amazon.com is autofilled, press enter, and only then order their products.
  10. Archeologists in the future will find them attached to our walls, and understand that the second ice age was actually good in some ways.

There are plenty of people who say that the device is a “waste of money,” but rumors exist that those people are “firmly grasped in reality,” and their opinion should be taken with a grain of salt.

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