WASHINGTON, D.C. –
Long touted as a possible presidential candidate, Mickey Mouse has finally announced that he’ll be running for the post in the 2016 elections. He is the second to officially make known his intentions for the campaign. Ted Cruz was the first, although many may fail to see the difference between the two candidates.
“Everyone has always spoken about a Mickey Mouse President,” said Mouse. “Now we can finally have one.”
Mouse stated that he’ll be campaigning to be both the Democrat and Republican frontrunner. This, he says, will continue a long tradition of having colloquially termed Mickey Mouse’s playing a part in the build-up of both parties’ campaigns.
“Everyone loves me – I’ve learned that in all my years at Disneyland. And although kids are sometimes scared of me, I’ve never told them that the world is on fire, which already puts me at an advantage over Ted [Cruz].”
Disneyland has released a statement in response to their long-serving mouse’s unexpected announcement.
“We are surprised but enthusiastic about Mickey’s new endeavor,” it read. “Mickey has been a staple of the Disney empire for many decades, and a presidential run will only contribute to his future position. Of course, everyone must remember that he is a trademark of The Walt Disney Company, and that will not change, even if he is to lead our illustrious nation.”
Mouse responded, saying, “I will always hold The Walt Disney Company in my heart – they placed a trademark label in there after all – but will not be a slave to them. When I am president, I will no longer have time for my duties there. It pains me to say it, but the government of the USA is slightly more important to Americans than Disney. When I am elected, I will ensure that Disney are paid out appropriate compensation for the termination of my never ending contract to them.”