Born Again Christian Unsuccessfully Attempts to Assassinate President

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Born Again Christian Unsuccessfully Attempts to Assassinate President

 

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Secret Service agents are on high alert after an unsuccessful assassination attempt on Barack Obama. The perpetrator, identified as a man called Mark David Chapman, fired shots from a .38 revolver at the president and first lady outside the entrance of the White House. He was found sitting at the scene, reading J. D. Salinger’s acclaimed novel, The Catcher in the Rye.

Chapman was apparently muddled, but gave a statement to the police indicating his motivations for the attempted murder of the president.

“He said that he was more popular than Jesus,” said Chapman, seemingly referring to something Obama may have said at a private gathering. “He also said that he didn’t believe in God, or the Beatles. How could he say those things? It just made me so angry.”

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Friends of Chapman say that he has been growing increasingly religious, having become a born again Christian in 2012. He was formerly infatuated with President Obama, but became angry when he perceived what he called “Obama’s hypocrisy.”

“He told us to imagine no possessions,” Chapman continued, referring to a song that Obama must have written and recorded in his youth, “and there he was, with millions of dollars and yachts and farms and country estates, laughing at people like me who had believed the lies and bought the records and built a big part of their lives around his music.”

The hypocrisy struck a nerve, especially as he lived by the credo of Holden Caulfield (the protagonist of The Catcher in the Rye), who hated “phonies and phoniness.”

The president released a statement, indicating that he had earlier signed an old school vinyl album that Chapman had for him, and that he “seemed strange, but not like he was going to kill me or anything.”

Photographer Paul Goresh took a photo of Obama signing Chapman’s album, which has gone viral on social media around the globe.

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