Center for Disease Control Reports ‘Zombie Movie’ Virus Finally Declining

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Center for Disease Control Reports 'Zombie Movie' Virus Finally Declining

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

After years of the uncontrollable so-called “Zombie Movie” virus infecting nearly the entire world, the CDC (Center for Disease Control) released a statement saying it has run its course and is beginning to fade away.

“This disease is deadly because it grows so quickly,” a representative said. “Companies make zombie movies and people eat them up. Those people bring their friends into the mix, who then bring their friends, and so-on.”

Especially with the rise of superhero movies, adaptations of fairy tales, and indie films, the zombie movie genre is expected to reach its pre-millennium state of about one movie per year, down from twelve. The CDC warns, however, that the nature of the virus is deceptive.

“It could surge back at any time. All it takes is one infectious movie and the entire industry will turn into a horde of genre-milking mindless zombies once again.”

A similar outbreak occurred in the past with the Vampire Movie Virus, although society as a whole was able to completely stop its self-sustaining spread thanks to the Twilight series.

The CDC shared a list of four ways to prepare for the inevitable return of the virus:

  1. Unboard your windows. Keeping yourself locked inside with the deadly “Netflix” agitator could lead to multiple viewings of zombie flicks.
  2. Diversify your interests. CDC recommends purchasing a Kindle and at least branching out to 50 Shades of Grey, preferably going as far as reading something educational.
  3. Avoid other zombies. If you know someone who is a zombie-buff, stay away from them for at least 30 days to rebuild your immunity.
  4. And finally, check out some media from your parents’ generation, but beware that prolonged exposure to modern entertainment may degrade one’s ability to appreciate quality films.

Experts say with proper care and quick handling of outbreaks, zombie movies may all but disappear by 2018.

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