SEATTLE, Washington –
A father of 3 is facing jail time for indecency after accidentally sending his daughter a picture that was meant to go to a female friend.
James Osborne, age 36, sent a picture of his erect penis to his 14-year-old daughter and, after she told her mother, Osborne was arrested and questioned by local police. Osborne has been divorced to his wife for 7 years, but says he still plays a “big, thick part” in their lives. He told police he was unaware that he even made the “silly, veiny” mistake until he was arrested, and claims if his daughter came to him first he could have explained the gaffe.
“It was just a mix-up. This kind of thing happens all the time, really. I mean, my wife divorced me because she found a whole cache of images I had mistakenly texted to my secretary when I meant to text them to her. They had the same name, though, so it was really not my fault. That’s what happened here, too – my daughter’s name is Kelly, and the woman I am seeing is also named Kelly, so it was really just a mistake. A simple boner, if you will,” said Osborne. “It’s really my bitch ex-wife’s fault that everything is just getting so damn hard for me now.”
“This will teach him to take dick pics for every tramp he meets,” said Osborne’s ex-wife, Nancy. “Sadly, we’re going to be paying for Kelly’s therapy for quite some time. I don’t think she’s bound to just get over this any time soon. Hopefully this will teach the bastard to stick to taking pictures of his meals for Instagram, and not that sad excuse for a penis.”
Local police say that “insext” crimes are looked at just as seriously as actual incest crimes, and that this is the 34th case they’ve had of a parent texting images of their genitals to their children this month.