McDonald’s ‘Kills Off’ Ronald McDonald After Scary Clown Epidemic

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AUGUSTA, Georgia – 

McDonald’s Corporation has announced that they will be doing away with their longtime spokes-clown, Ronald McDonald, after a series of “scary clown” sightings throughout the country that have lead to assaults and terrorism threats.

“We think it’s time that we put Ronald McDonald to rest,” said company spokesman Marshall Richards. “He has been around for nearly 50 years, and it’s time we say goodbye. We have an entire cast of other friendly faces that can step up to take his place. No one is out there running around as a scary Grimace terrorizing people. We think he’ll make a great frontman.”

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The company hasn’t aired any new Ronald commercials in 2016, and they said they plan to begin filming new commercials starring The Grimace, as well as the Hamburgler and other old favorites, during the first quarter of next year.

Ronald McDonald will receive a “memorial service” commercial that will be release online-only sometime before Christmas, the company said.

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