Meet Microsoft’s New Browser, ‘Definitely-Not-Internet-Explorer’

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Meet Microsoft's New Browser, 'Definitely-Not-Internet-Explorer'

SILICON VALLEY, California – 

The whole world – even Microsoft – came to realize that Internet Explorer was a useless old relic, burying it alongside its old cousin, Netscape. With this, however, they sought to create a new browser that would capture the hearts and fingertips of internet users everywhere. Meet the newest contender from the oldest name in the arena: DeNIE, or “Definitely Not Internet Explorer.”

Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella spoke briefly about its improvements over its notorious predecessor:

“Basically, there are a few cool new gadgets which could have been just added in to Internet Explorer in an update, but the real change is the name. DeNIE is a new brand that people can explore with fresh eyes, whereas Internet Explorer was something that most people immediately steered away from.”

Microsoft’s analysts conducted extensive research on the existing browser giants to determine what made them popular in the first place. The result was simple: they weren’t Internet Explorer.

We had the pleasure of test-driving their new software during an interview; when it was mentioned that it felt and even looked exactly like the old browser, Nadella agreed.

“Again, as long as we deny that it is Internet Explorer, people will use it. To be honest it’s the same exact browser, just rebranded – same security issues, slowness, and clinginess to legacy features.”

DeNIE is planned to release with Windows 10, which the company is considering renaming to “Not Made by Microsoft” to pull in users from the ever growing Apple and Android fan crowd who once again, according to Microsoft’s researchers, only made the switch because of the name.

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