UNITED STATES –
The nation’s dogs have collectively agreed to ask their owners for more human food, starting tonight. This comes in response to their constant hunger for whatever their masters are eating. They have decided on the strategy of sitting by the table and looking up with their big, sad eyes at their humans while they eat delicious steaks and burgers.
“We’ve decided to let go of dignity, swallow our pride, and beg,” said Pomps Michaels, a labrador. “They’ll surely sympathise. It’s impossible not to when we stare at them in a way that says, ‘I love you more than life itself, and only wish you’d make me happier.’ The combination of pathos and adoration will surely get them.”
“I do get human food occasionally,” admitted Rufus Paul. “My owner throws me scraps of chicken and other meat products when he feels particularly generous. But I could do with more fruit and yogurt, in order to balance out my diet and add some variety to my cultured palate.”
Dog food manufacturers are not perturbed by the development, saying that “this happens every so often and, up until now, we’ve managed to weather the storm pretty easily. While its impossible sometimes to say no to those furry faces, human food is far more expensive than what we provide. Furthermore, our food is developed to give dogs a healthy diet, and owners will always have their best friend’s greater good at heart.”
Owners across the country are preparing to meet the collective demands by saying no over and over again while throwing pieces under the table every time their dogs lay their heads on their knees.