LONDON, England –
Saima Ahmad is demanding a lifetime supply of Kit-Kats, after biting into a waferless bar last month. The 20 year-old legal student from the UK claims to be distressed, having suffered a loss “of monetary and emotional significance.”
Nestle, who makes the Kit-Kat brand, says they “could not care less” what Ahmad wants.
“We have sent her a coupon for a free Nestle product up to 2 euros, which is certainly more than she paid for it. That is the policy,” says a Nestle customer service liaison. “Why she thinks she is entitled to a lifetime supply is beyond me. Probably because she’s a law student, and she’s a pretentious bitch who thinks because she’s studying to be a lawyer, she already knows the law. Good luck fighting out law team.”
Most major brands will send out coupons when they receive complaints about defective products. Although this is often more than covers the consumer’s loss, no company offers a “if we make one mistake, you win a lifetime supply” guarantee.
Ahmad says she deserves further compensation. “I’ll find a legal loophole and they’ll give me a lifetime supply. Just wait. I have a 3.8 GPA, and that says something about me and what I’m capable of doing when I put my nose to the grindstone!”