WASHINGTON, D.C. – 
Voters in many states were able to cast their ballot on the topic of marijuana legalization yesterday, and in two of those elections, the people have spoken. Voters in Oregon and Washington D.C. have elected to allow marijuana use and possession among their citizens.
In Washington D.C., president Barack Obama, who freely admitted to smoking weed in the past, celebrated the news with a tightly rolled blunt and a few words for the people of the United States.
“As the President of the United States, there wouldn’t have been a lot of questioning if I wanted to sit in the Oval Office and rip a mad bong hit,” said Obama. “I didn’t, though, out of respect for the laws of the District, and of those states that had yet to pass laws to deregulate or legalize marijuana. Now that the voters in D.C. have spoken, though, I see no reason not to smoke a joint and relax with some Netflix and Fritos chips.”
Although the voters have spoken, the repealing of the laws actually wouldn’t take effect until signed by state congressional leaders. Residents of several states, including Florida, voted to keep or increase their marijuana laws.
“I don’t understand Florida, if I’m being honest,” said weed-smoking Miami resident John Peele. “I’ve been smoking illegally here for the last 30 years, and the vote for legalization for medical use can’t even been voted in? My God, Florida is 90% old people! They need weed for their cancer, cataracts, and confusion! They need it more than almost any other state in the country!”
“I don’t see marijuana being illegal that much longer,” said Aaron Silver, a D.C. resident who works in the White House. “It’s here in D.C., the backyard of the government, as it were. How long can we really keep throwing people in jail for growing a plant, anyway? Obama doesn’t have much time left in office, but here’s hoping that the ‘Change’ he kept talking about while running is about loosening marijuana laws.”