Obama Resolves To Move White House to Chicago

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – Obama Resolves To Move White House to Chicago

To the shock of all Americans and with reverberations around the world, President Obama announced that he will move the White House to Chicago by year’s end. Obama mentioned the move was spurred after he was contemplating his 2015 New Year’s resolution. The Republican brass was in an uproar with many members of Congress questioning the President’s motives, some echoing the word dictator.

“When I came before you in 2008, I said my campaign was about change. As you know, every New Year’s Eve I fill out a list of personal and private goals. My thoughts kept coming back to Chicago,” stated Obama. “While I have the utmost respect and approbation for our forefathers and the city of Washington D.C., it’s time for the White House to be centralized, which would make travel and accessibility easier for all members of Congress. Chicago is the de facto capitol of the United States. Plus, who doesn’t love that deep dish pizza?” said the President.

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Senator Ted Cruz said, “This President continues his ruthless power trip. My fears for this administration keep coming to fruition. Now he’s going to uproot our nation’s legacy? When are we as a people going to intercept his attempts to will his power over the American people? What’s next? Is he going to change the Constitution citing presidential supremacy?”

Meet The Press moderator, Chuck Todd, said he had been hearing rumors that this move was imminent. “The President’s deep love for Chicago is no secret,” said Todd.  “I’m hearing, though, that a variety of personal reasons are the real motives for the impending move. First, Malia and Sasha [Obama] have grown homesick, and yearn to move back to their original Hyde Park surroundings. Second, the President confides with his former Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, ever day and wants to be closer to him. Third, the President wants to see more Chicago Bulls games now that Derrick Rose appears to be healthy again, and the eastern conference is wide open. He’s mentioned many times his desire to bring a future championship Bulls team to the White House.”

Sarah Palin weighed in on the issue asking, “Chicago? Maybe the President missed those American history courses when he was growing up in Kenya.”

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