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teenager grows mustache thinks hes ron swanson

Local Teenager Grows Poor Excuse For A Mustache, Thinks He’s Ron Swanson

July 14, 2014

SHREVEPORT, Louisiana –   Local 16-year-old Trevor McKenzie has recently realized he can grow the slightest bit of facial hair on his upper lip, and so he has not shaved in two months. Despite looking utterly ...

Headlines

Maine Enacts Law Forcing All Motorists To Wear Helmets Regardless Of Vehicle

July 13, 2014

AUGUSTA, Maine -  A new law passed by the Maine State Legislature yesterday will require all motorists to wear a helmet while driving, regardless of the vehicle. Maine is the first state in the country to ...

Politics
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New Law Will Make Practicing The Mormon Religion Illegal

July 13, 2014

PROVO, Utah -  Religion has always been a touchy subject any way one chooses to look at it, causing wars, hatred, and feuds that may or may not have happened if it wasn't for the beliefs held by any ...

Headlines
empire-news-colorado-becomes-first-state-to-legalize-crystal-meth

Colorado Becomes First State To Legalize Crystal Meth

July 12, 2014

DENVER, Colorado -  Colorado has been in the news all year for being the first state to legalize marijuana for recreational use, and it looks as though the state is at it again, but this time with a ...

Business
empire-news-woman-sues-after-pepper-spray-turns-out-to-be-silly-string

Woman Sues Pepper Spray Manufacturer After Can Found To Contain Silly String

July 12, 2014

SAN ANTONIO, Texas -  A robbery and attack on a local women in Texas is flooding the news this morning, but for reasons other than the actual attack. A 38-year-old woman, Joanne Lewis, was assaulted Wednesday night while ...

Headlines
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Recently Paroled Child Killer: ‘It’s The Children’s Fault For How They Were Dressing’

July 11, 2014

SYDNEY, Australia -  Following the recent pedophilia scandal of ex-Australian Children’s TV star Rolf Harris, questions are being asked into how someone so blatantly dispicable managed to evade being caught for so many years. Fearing that ...

Business
empire-news-hipsters-open-food-tent-using-old-trash-food-los-angeles

L.A. Hipsters Start Pop-Up Food Tent, Serve Old Food From Trash

July 11, 2014

SILVER LAKE, California -  All across the nation, it has become more and more evident that a "hipster culture" has reached epic proportions.  Young people who want to proclaim their individuality and separate themselves from mainstream society choose to conform to the ever-so-popular hipster ...

Business
empire-news-jeremy-meeks-sparks-new-life-into-fashion-industry

‘Sexy Felon’ Jeremy Meeks Sparks Fresh Life Into Fashion Industry

July 11, 2014

STOCKTON, California -  The man the internet refers to as the 'sexy felon' and the 'hot mugshot guy', alleged arms dealer Jeremy Meeks spoke with our sources yesterday, and revealed his plans to further his new- found ...

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