Paris Hilton Announces Own Line of Breast Implants

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Paris Hilton Announces Own Line of Breast Implants

HOLLYWOOD, California – 

In a bid to stay relevant in the rapidly changing world of celebrity, Paris Hilton today announced her intention to start her own range of breast implants. Hilton already has ranges of perfume, makeup, and fashion, and is now attempting to branch out into a more boutique industry.

“Women around the world will love what I have in store for them,” she said in a press release. “I know you’ve been waiting to get boobs with my signature of approval, and now they’ll be readily available.”

The personalized breasts are expected to be top of the range, exclusively in the price range of the upper class, drawing criticism from foundations which assist women living with breast cancer who have had surgery on their mammaries.

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“She could use her money and status to help sufferers of cancer, but she only cares about girls looking ‘hot’,” said Brenda Firman, head of Breast Awareness. “It’s very disappointing that a person of her stature would be so selfish.”

In the past, Hilton has been criticized for releasing fashion that is too expensive for homeless people who have nothing to wear, perfume too expensive for job seekers who cannot afford deodorant, and makeup too expensive for some survivors of facial disfigurement. She has brushed off all accusations of selfishness, simply stating, “Why do those people not work harder to make money to afford it?”

The false boobs are expected in all sizes and styles, catering for women of every shape.

“From A-cups to Double-D and beyond, we’ve got something for you,” said her representatives. “Our shapes range from round, to oval, to square for the hipster population.”

Friend Kim Kardashian has congratulated Hilton and announced her own intentions of releasing a range of butt implants.

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